When?

I remember being a child and constantly asking my mom "when are we leaving?" "when are we gonna be there?" "when can I have dessert?" When, when, when. And I remember clearly my children doing the same thing when they were younger...actually I take that back, they still do the "when" all the time. So if you are holding out hope that your children are going to stop the when, when, when....you can stop because it doesn't happen.

I believe that we always ask when, its natural curiosity, natural part of our life to want to know when. The same is true for our spiritual life, we want to know when do we get all the answers? When do we really stop sinning? When does God really forgive us? When are we going to see Jesus? And for all the scholars, scientists, and etc, etc, etc, they don't allow the when to just be a quesstion. They go looking for the when and then provide to the remaining population an educated guess to answer the when. (Just for the record that educated guess is usually wrong.)

This week I have been feeling the weight of an unforgiving heart, something that over the past 2yrs has been heavily worked on by God, but as of late that unforgiving heart has been overpowering. Along with that unforgiving heart comes the relentless mind, playing out scenarios of fights in my head, words I would use and, shamefully, probably say. And I wondered the other day 'when will I be able to have a forgiving heart?' and 'when it happens will God be able to forgive me of those things that I said, did, or thought?' Then yesterday I went to buy some cards and was driving a friends car and she had a CD in and at the time when I least wanted to hear a message, Joyce Meyer provided a message to my 'when'. She said open your bibles to Isaiah 38:17 "......In your love, you have kept me from the pit of distruction; you put all my sins behind your back." The when was answered in one sentence. The when was mentioned in one small verse that broke into to 2 paraphrase sentences. Do you see the when? When I asked Christ to come into my life, when I acknowledged that God was true and real, when I became a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, God took all my sins and put them behind His back-as though He would never turn around, they were gone. I struggle with my mind, I struggle with anger and an unforgiving heart towards people... truth be told, I always have. And lately, my anger, thoughts, and unforgiving heart have found a reason to control my situation... and I have allowed them to take over. But in all that is happening, I heard a short reminder that God still loves me, He saved me, and even though I am not searching Him out, He waits for me. The when struck me yesterday, God knows my heart, Christ sits with me when I cry and feels my anguish, and when my unforgiving heart and rampaging mind takes over, I know that when I ask God to forgive those thoughts, things, moments, He will put them behind His back as though thats where they should have been all along. The when is already answered.