Tuesday, July 21, 2015

The Rescue

This past weekend, after several years, I decided to add to my small herd and decided on a rescue. There is something to be said about rescuing an animal, generally they have a great desire to want to live, they have a sense of need but yet confidence to be alone and no real need for any human contact. Oh don't get me wrong, a rescue does in their core want human contact but the 'need' for human contact is not strong. They do not trust but tolerate and allow, they do not respond out of willingness but necessity, but somewhere in them you can see a desire to 'want' contact. Sunday, I recruited two friends, went to Erwin and loaded a mare to a trailer to haul back to my farm.  The process, planned to take all day, took most of 20 minutes. This mare, from a hoarding property, living at a rescue with 19 herd members, allowed me to coax and bring her into a metal box; without a desire to trust me or a need for human contact she allowed me to confine her. After a tense and long hour drive back to my farm, she allowed me to unload and maintain her direction on the ground. For a horse with little to no contact, no work or handling, I was impressed and hopeful, even after one friend asked her age. From the direction and information at the rescue, she was supposed to be 5-7 which was my response, my friend very skeptical, which started a series of doubt in me on the ability to use this mare for anything except a pasture ornament. My friend, just by looking at the mare, thought she was 14, and those words set off a line of fear and skepticism in me about the new addition...but not a word came out of my mouth. She was here, what was I to do now, load her back in the trailer, haul her back to the herd of 19? The day drug forward with little events in the pasture but she was pushed away from my tow mares, she wasn't allowed to be part of the herd, not unusual or unexpected, it takes time for new addition to become part of the herd. But how much time and, in the back of my mind, how old is she.

It's funny how something so little can make you think twice about something, little being an age; something so small can make you apprehensive. We do it daily, everything we come across we make an assessment of based on looks first then, after we've made out initial assessment, we find out the details. This is mostly applied to people, be honest it is, we look at someone and initially think how they will perform in whatever setting we happen to be involved in. Why? Well because for the most part we have been trained to do that, partly because a small, hidden sense of survival comes into play and we immediately assess the person as to how they will benefit the greater picture. No denying it we do this, we are programmed to do this and we do; if you are one of the few who don't do this, please message me because I want to know the secret.  I know there is one, it's very evident, it's actually right in front of us, it's forgiveness..... yes forgiveness.  You are probably thinking "this crazy woman how can it be forgiveness if we assess someone (something) by just looking at them?"It's pretty simple, forgiveness isn't about being hurt by someone/something and allowing that hurt to be forgiven (not entirely). Forgiveness is allowing release from pressure.."If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has all of you, to some extent..the punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead you ought to forgive and comfort him so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow..I urge you to reaffirm your love for him...And what I have forgiven - if there was anything to forgive- I have forgiven in the sight of Christ." 2Cor 2:5,6,7, 10

I often wonder if my close friends really, really knew what kind of a person I was if they would  judge me know by my history instead of my appearance? I know that on the outside appear to be solid, full of ability and appearance makes a great impression but if even you knew me if you would read this blog or immediately, without knowing me, make a judgment against me? I lived that way and sometimes do still with God. I think there is no way, at all under any circumstances that He could ever really forgive me for my past, my history, my current failings. Paul when writing to the Corinthians addressed forgiveness of someone who apparently was bad mouthing him while he was away and not there, not to uncommon wouldn't you agree. Paul was doing what God had called him to do and someone was in Corinth bad mouthing him - what did they say - who knows, who cares - they said it. True or not, some of the people of Corinth were mad, some were swayed in their opinion of Paul, they made an assessment of Paul based on something someone else said...sound familiar? Paul is pretty straight forward with the followers in Corinth, he basically told them to 'grow up, why are you mad about something that didn't 'really' hurt me? why did you let him take your opinions away from you and alter your heart?' That's really what he said, believe me today that's light compared to what anyone of us would say.  Instead of getting mad Paul said "he's had enough hurt toward him no matter how much hurt he continues to drum up, forgive him and show him you love him". Hard directions to live by huh? So how to we get there, or how do I get there, is the real question. What do I need to do to forgive the original assessment I made and move on? It's really hard work, trust me, it is hard to allow something to fade away and to use love to focus on a prior assessment made of someone, and I am far from being able to do that in every situation..okay probably any situation.

Maybe that's why I have a rescue on my farm, maybe that's why I have a rescue who is not the horse I went to get-really she's not- and by my failings I trusted a person to offer the horse I went to retrieve and now I have a horse that is not what I expected. Maybe God knew exactly what He was doing when He put this older mare on the trailer, and now I need to forgive her for my assessment and find a way to get her to be part of the herd. Just like with people, sometimes circumstances are not always what they seem, and sometimes circumstances need to be forgiven to make way for love. Just like my rescue in her new herd, she is dealing with assessment from my long time mares, she is finding her way to get forgiveness for just being put in the pasture. It's been an adventure for me seeing God use my horses to teach me a lesson or get a point across, sometimes I don't like it, okay most times I don't like it but there it is plain to me that sometimes forgiveness is just allowing and accepting someone for who they are and not what I think they should be.

The song "That was then, this is now" is playing as I wrap this up, funny how things happen to fit right into place, just like my new small herd I have a place in His kingdom, and with forgiveness and love, I can make a place for others in the herd.