Thursday, October 24, 2013

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

"Don't take your love away from me, Don't leave my heart in misery, If you go then I'll be blue, 'Cause breaking up in hard to do..." Come on you know this song and if you don't, well then I have just let on to how old I am and that my entire family (minus my little brother) is years older than I. I really have no idea why this song came to my mind but it did and the only thing it relates to in my life is the pending break up in my future. I have to end a relationship that has been part of my life for 4 years, the relationship between me and my farrier, yes my farrier. You may giggle or you may be thinking 'what in the world, what relationship' but in reality there has been a relationship - one that occurs every 4-8 weeks when he comes to the farm to take care of my horses. If you have horses, you know that you are in a relationship with your farrier too. They comes to your property takes care of your horses for the short time they are there, they talk to you, find out how you are doing what's been happening, and somewhere in the midst of this short time you learn a lot about their lives and vice versa. From the first time they pull into the drive way, you my friend, not unlike me, are deep in a relationship. The picture above is probably an exact depiction of your relationship with your farrier, it's what mine looks like too.

It's funny this relationship we forge with these people.... we let on our farm, handle our horses, and then we pay them! Something about that just doesn't sound ....right (ha!). This friendship, sort of a forced situation, becomes something that I take time off of work for, make sure that the time is right, make certain that no matter what, the arrangement is kept, becomes a large part of my everyday life. Funny isn't it, how when you look at this relationship in that way, it takes on a life of its own...because lets face facts, if he/she was a true jerk, I probably wouldn't let them become part of my life, or would I? Don't be mistaken, I truly like the farrier I have now, it is not a personal issue to me but more of a 'business' matter. I hope that this person understands that no matter what I would refer clients to him but that our business is not working out.  This has happened only two other times in my time having horses in North Carolina, once because of time management, the farrier just couldn't make it to my barn on time, and once because the farrier was a friend and it was truly interfering in our personal friendship. When I reflected on these occurrences over the past decade of changes, it is hard not to reflect on other relationships that have ended in my life. I have had, at one time, 9 horses-yes 9, and of  those 9 I tried and created relationships with those horses some that worked out others that just didn't (if you have horses you know what I mean). Sometimes, the horse that you so desperately want to  work out is the one horse that no matter what just doesn't 'click'. The relationship failed and I was left with making a decision to remove the horse from the property. In retrospect, every decision I made was exactly the right one, each horse was perfectly placed in a relationship that was meant to be.

Isn't it wonderful when that happens? Isn't it just peaceful when that takes place? And isn't it amazing that God is using this situation of  the break up and past transitions to speak right to me. You don't believe me, I almost didn't believe it either because I went looking for one thing and found the answer in to many places. 1 Kings 8:57 "May the Lord our God be with us as He was with our fathers, may He never leave us or foresake us." Deut 31:6 "Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or terrified because of [anything] because the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave you or foresake you." Josh 1:5 "No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will never leave you nor foresake you." Heb 13:5 "..because God said, I will never leave you nor foresake you." Isn't it wonderful that no matter how I treat the relationship with God, angry at Him, disappointed with Him, being stubborn against Him, He is continually faithful, knowing the time when I will know exactly what He has known about this volital relationship, that He plans to stay whether or not I agree, He will hang in there.

I have to say that this was not what I was planning, not something that I had planned to find, in all truth the relationship with God has been less that friendly some days and more like a love/hate relationship than the "love/love" relationship that those who teach say it is.  And in reality in the truth, I believe that is really the relationship that I have with Him (probably you too).  And, although there is a relationship in my life that is ending this week, I know that the relationship I have with God is always going to be around, always going to be there even when I don't want it; in a strange way that is comforting. Maybe this relationship thing is going to work out, against all things, He will not leave you nor foresake you.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

To Boldly Go Through Water....

Have you ever tried to find something and not matter how hard you look you can't seem to locate what you are looking for? I have been in that place this morning; determined to find a passage that is eluding me, probably on purpose, I am totally convinced that Beth Moore is right that just when you think you know where something is in the Bible it moves. Or maybe I'm not suppose to talk about that one particular verse, even tho that is exactly what I want to write about...and yet it is not in the place that I am certain it was located not to long ago. So, I am sticking with my plan, yep that's the way I am, hard headed, bullheaded, stubborn, well it all means the same thing...right? Well let's hope so, or what I'm writing is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. Okay, lets go!

Why water? Well because if you know anything about horses, yes horses, you are fully aware that water seems to be a challenge above all challenges for a horse to go through. The reason is beyond me, I have heard that horses only see in two dimension and they only see that something is there, a reflection or black hole, and they are afraid to step into what they can not see. I tend to believe that statement, true or not, I believe that it's probably very true. My young horse, Myisha, had a huge issue with water when I first started riding her. Talk about bullheaded and stubborn, you have no idea. I used pulling bribing, and even had her ride buddies travel away from her...and she did not budge, could have cared less. Then after about 3 months of -ok not fighting - she just went through, from that day forward she went willing right through water, trotting, walking, cantering, right through water she went, no questions no hesitation...well until August of this year.  For the first time in 4 years she bulked at a puddle. To boldly go through water quickly turned to 'you first'.  Funny picture isn't it of the nicely dressed man hanging on his horses neck? Well that is what I had to have looked like in August! Looking back there were a lot of things that caused the bulk, she was alone the first time without a ride buddy, she was in the lead with 5 horses behind her, it was at the beginning of the ride, and the list goes on and on...But in reality, the reason she didn't go through the puddle willingly was because she didn't believe me. Yep that's right, she didn't believe me. 2 Cor 5:7 "For we walk by faith, not by sight." (Just for the record, no, this is not the passage that I was looking for when I started this blog, but this is the one that seemed to jump out at me even in my failing attempts to locate the passage of scripture I wanted to use; says something doesn't it?)

You may ask, what didn't my horse believe, and why would that have anything to do with the course of this writing, and, of course, where is this mumbo jumbo heading? (go ahead, it seems that way, just a bunch of illucide writing, right? well I hope not.) The title "to boldly go through water" was a play on words from Star Trek (just for all you trekkies) that I used some time ago on a set of rhythm beads for my horse (long story, don't ask); it was not intended as a title to anything here, yet that is exactly the title that I'm using to make a point. My horse didn't believe me that it was okay to go through that puddle to enter the dark covered trail just beyond it and that it was okay to go and nothing was going to eat her; she didn't have faith in my decision to go in the place I was pointing her. Am I personally afraid of water? No. But I know people who are, maybe not a puddle but water nonetheless. What I am afraid of is moving; moving from where I've become comfortable, moving without knowing what's just beyond the dark puddle and under the tree covered, dark trail, all because I can't see. Not to unlike my reluctant mare, I don't believe that God has good intended for me where I can not see to go, I don't believe that He has my heart in mind, my safety in His heart, nor my sanity in perspective. That's what it really boils down to; believe it or not, just like my mare, who was certain that something was amiss, I too am certain that there is something lurking in the shadows just beyond the pit that the puddle is hiding, I'm afraid to move.

I'm not entirely sure what, if anything, this particularly blog is suppose to do for me, well okay besides smack me in the head, kick me in the sides to prod me forward, and push me through the puddle (yes that is exactly what I did to Myisha), but I'm hopeful that it'll all come together (in this paragraph!). I know in my heart and mind that some of you who read this are fully ready to go through the water and not care how deep or scary the other side is, and I'm fully aware that some of you are saying "amen sister", because like me, you are afraid to move. "For we walk by faith, not by sight" - for each of us afraid to move, we know that this means beyond doubt we are to move - get through the muck that we are not willing to tread and yet we don't go because we don't believe. How do we change that? Well for my horse, she had no choice, she was most definitely going through that water! And I believe that God is not to unlike me when I ride, maybe He isn't using a stern voice (or maybe He is) and maybe He isn't literally kicking me in the side, but He most definitely isn't allowing me to get away from the water. I can't go around it, and I can't go back (although truth be told it would be nice), so here I stand waiting to not be afraid to move. Waiting to look like this horse and rider above, boldly going through water, without hesitation, without reserve, without fear of what's waiting on the other side. "For we walk by faith, not by sight", maybe I need a blindfold? Maybe I just need to close my eyes and take the first step to find out that the water isn't quite as scary and deep as I think and only ankle deep there's the ground.
For we walk by faith, not by sight... Lord help me walk blindly and believe.