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Friday, June 25, 2010

Haaa the Highlighter!

I am a highlighter kind of girl. When I read something that stands out, I whip out my handy-dandy highlighter and mark away. It's my way of going back and finding the things that were important to me at that time (I'm not so much of a note taker as a highlighter). This morning I was looking thru Lee's bible (because 2 yrs ago I was using it) and went thru some of the highlighted and underlined scriptures. The ones that at some point in my journey have stuck out, spoke to me, directed me. Why? Well because I'm at a loss as to who to pursue God right now and this was a cheap-cheating way to find something that I might remember or might have clung to at sometime. Well it didn't actually work as 'tada' as I wanted but I did find some things that reached out to me at one time.

Psalms 27:1 "The Lord is my light and my salvation...The Lord it the stronghold in my life."
Psalms 62:5-7 "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge."
Psalms 62: 11 & 12 "One thing God has spoke, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving...."
Psalms 143:1, 3, 4 "O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulnes and righteouness come to my relief. ..The enemy pursues me, he cruses me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness..so my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed."

I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just rereading all my highlighted scriptures and when I came across these I remembered them clearly and why they were important to me at that time in the past. Psalms 27:1 was something I found in searching for a way to believe. I wasn't always a believer and at one time in my life (a long time ago), I walked away from God. I was so angry with Him and the life I had that I just stopped believing in Him. When we started going to church again, I started looking for anything that would give me a reason to believe-something to stand on. Psalms 27:1 was one of those scriptures where God just opened my eyes to see Him. This passage (which is what it is a passage to God's strength) was a life line, a life saver for me.
Psalms 62 (both passages) were ones that I came across when Lee and I were taking Experiencing God at church. I was having issues with making God my banner, the one thing that made me who I am. So once again, I researched - read- dug down to find anything that would change my perspective and allow God to be my banner. These scriptures made it alive for me, they made God the one thing that I could put on my life and in my life and no one could take that away from me. God is my hope, my refuge, my salvation, my rock, I depend on Him, He is loving and stong.

And Psalms 143, I remember being mad all the time, anger ran my life and I saw things thru the anger that I held onto. This scripture was actually gun powder for me in an outside matter and quickly became a mirror for me (the perverbial plank in the eye). I had allowed a stonghold in my life to control my life that the enemy was mastering. This passage was my cry to God for help, relief, and it helped and relieved me from the burden that I held (notice I say I held).

So what do all of these mean to me....alot. I 'know' God is my salvation, but my stronghold is being battered down. I 'know' that He is loving and strong, but I don't know where He is right now. The enemy is literally crushing me, the stronghold and safety I once had is being torn apart because I am allowing it to be torn down. I am no stronger now than I was in the past but I feel weaker, with less strength, and the banner isn't waving in the wind anymore. I found relief and comfort, a stronghold and refuge in these passages in the past, but I believe now more than ever that they were meant for me today. I don't have a stronghold in God, not right now (having some anger issues) but I did and I hope and struggle to find it again. I cry out alot to Him because of the enemies weight in my life and right now there is little relief, but I hope that one day I can have it again. It eludes me today, I believe it moves but its more likely that I am moving away from it. He is constant and steady, faithful and straight, and I want that faith and steadiness once again. So what do these passages mean to me today...they are my light (small as it may be), they are my guide to Him, the constant, steady light ahead.

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