Wednesday, July 27, 2011

One Family

I have this belief that I am part of a family, only the family is far away, mostly in N. Michigan, with bits and pieces scattered here and there. I have this idea that I am part of a family that I inherited when I married Lee, those members are also scattered here and there, mostly across the Mid-West and East coast. And these 2 families are large and everyone is part of everyone elses life in one way or another. They are vast and they have many miles between them but it never fails that when we go to N. Michigan or like this summer, the first time in 18 yrs, go to Kansas, it is as though there has never been a separation of time or space. Each fall into a routine and no one is left out of the family gathering of eating, playing, talking, or nothingness, the far off family becomes one again. Its always been that way, no matter if we are in Michigan with my family or Florida, Virginia, or Kansas with Lee's family, the moment we enter a home we are part of that unit, part of a family that just moves us in no matter how long we've been apart.
I have a connection to this group of people, people whom we have met throughout the years of living in North Carolina, a group of people that we are in no way related by blood or marriage to, we have no family connection with, and yet they are family. We go in and out of each other's homes as though we live in that home, we take and give without question or cause, and we tae over if there is a need. Most of us, in one way or another, have been transplanted here and we have a connection, a commonality that draws us to one another. For many of those family members it is our children, a common work place, a hobby that we love, or a familar personality, for whatever reason, we are family. And like a family, we love, cry, laugh, and eat together; we fight and forget; move forward and backward and never is there a difference in our connection-its still family. An unconventional family, one that no matter what happens, just like with our related family, we can go long terms without contact and when we meet up again, it is as though there was never a moment apart. A family that is just down the road and always ready and waiting.
I have a revelation of a family, I'm not sure why or where it came from, I'm not even going to attempt to relate to you how this revelation came about, yet I had a revelation of a family this past couple of days. I didn't see it at first and without a return to something I read sometime ago and love, I would never have seen the revelation. Without a little background, you won't see the revelation either. A couple of weeks ago I attended, for the first time in more than 6 month, church service with Jennifer. I entered and even though I was greeted by friends at the door, after that entrance it was as though I was a stranger in a group of people who were talking and hugging and all the things that seemed to be part of something else. I am by all means, shy really I am, I don't go out of my way to find someone to talk to and I'd rather stand alone in a corner un-noticed as opposed to interrupt a conversation between friends. I was for all purposes an outsider. I felt this non-purpose, non-connection and I feel it in a lot of places now, what connection do I have with people, how are those people going to relate to me and my family, what are we going to talk about. This all of this is part of a new life that I am trapped in and looking for a way out. I don't want to embrace the newness of this life that I am in, I don't want to go outside of this 'circle' of comfort that I have created and allowed to control my interactions. This resistance includes those whom I know but don't want to address willingly. This past week, once again, I attended morning service with Jennifer. Greeted as usual at the door from a few of those we have met over the past 4 years, I moved into the lobby area wondering when I would enter the worship center and go sit quietly awaiting things to begin, but then, out of nowhere, a friend that I haven't seen in more than 8 months, came up and hugged me and began talking to me. Then another, and another, and another, before I knew it, I was part of people who didn't ask me how we were doing but, in a difference, they asked when we were coming back, fully. Then on Monday morning, I received a facebook message from a friend whom I hadn't seen in well over a year, someone from church who all of a sudden, and out of nowhere, messaged me and we began talking long distance as though nothing had ever separated us. Although now, they are in St. Lucia and we are still here. This morning I have a revelation of a family, a family that I have not known for long, a family that is just as spread out here and there as my related family, a family that I didn't know or expect to know, and we are connected only by and through one thing, Christ. Eph 2: 12-13, 19 "..remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the common wealth of Isreal, and strangers to the covenants of in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of then you are no longer stangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God's household."

I have a revelation of a family, a family that I don't need to know in any other way than that of Christ, a family that welcomes us back whenever we are ready with no question or condemnation. A revelation of a family that on some level I have missed desperately and long to re-unite with a feeling of comfort and love.  I am on some level excited and worried about returning to this family. Worried that in some way I am different than I was and worried that difference will show through my somewhat course exterior; excited because I know that Christ knows who I am and how I am now not like I once was and He doesn't care. I have a revelation of a family that is the same as the family of blood relatives and friends only this family is something that I don't have to work at, I just have to allow.