What to Write

I usually am not at a loss for words (whether the written word or the spoken word) my mouth seems to find the exact words to say whether right or wrong. Something that I am slowly working on controling (not going so well). So this morning I was attempting to "press in", press toward God and find some sort of comfort, direction, anything really, with no luck - honestly no luck. So I just milled around the internet looking for something to say or read, hear or do before I get up and get ready for work, exciting stuff I know!!! But truthfully I do not feel motivated, I'd like to sit in the bed and sleep all day, not go into to work and basically hide out with the girls. And since I know in my mind I'm already in trouble at work, that probably isn't the best plan, but it is a plan nonetheless. And here I am typing random words on a page that probably gets read and I'm sure some of you are wondering 'what in the world is this writer doing?' -'does she think this is a Sienfeld episode or something?' Well maybe that's exactly what this is a Sienfeld episode in the making, a blog about absolutely nothing with no meaning....humm not a bad idea, I mean Jerry Sienfeld did it for how many seasons??? So I guess I don't have to really write anything with direction, just something with a beginning, middle and ending that wraps around to the beginning.

So there I was trying to press in.....heehee, this is kind of fun and funny all at the same time. Letting my mind and finger walk me through the internet and the bible not really paying attention to anything to tell the truth, just blah, blah, blah walking around. You understand, right? Just not really doing anything or feeling anything, noticing nothing much at all, just blah. Kind of like taking a walk you really don't want to take so you just do it and get it over with to make the spouse, child, or friend your with happy. That's kind of what my morning has been like, just fiddle faddle around to waste the time.

Well in the middle of my none paying attention morning, I saw something. You know like when your walking or doing something and that one thing catches your eye, draws your attention and all of a sudden its like thats the only thing you see. Well that happened to me, I was milling through my bible and caught a glimpse of Mark 12:44 ".....but she, out o her poverty, put in everthing - all she had to live on." I have no idea why that jumped out at me or why in the midst of a walk in blah blah land (go ahead laugh its funny) this one underlined sentence stuck out but it did. So like a flower that catches your eye in the none eventful walk, I read this sentence twice and now three times. And wonder why would anyone give everything they have to a bunch of pompass butthead religious leaders? Then I thought about something that maybe Jesus was trying to say that I didn't get the first time I read this sentence, maybe this wasn't all related to money, maybe this woman didn't have money but other things that she had given up, lost, or gave away. Maybe this was something of a symbol of life that we have that we can give or have taken that we have not control over and God uses that loss or gift as a treasure for His plan and this woman was a demonstration to us. A demonstratoin of lack of control and lack of desire to hold onto earthly, human things. So my walk was interrupted but the sight of a flower that caught my eye. A flower that ended up being a beautiful distraction in the midst of blah blah land, no where to go and wondering what in the world I would say this morning. I believe that at some point, like the woman in Mark 14:22, I have given or lost something that I held onto very tightly. It doesn't really matter which way I look at something whether I mean to let it to or if it just gets taken, its still something, a part of my life that gets used for something other that what I had planned. Maybe in my poverty, poverty of life in general, I 'gave' everything I thought had without even knowing it and God is opening a door that I didn't even see was available.

I guess my Sienfeld episode didn't quite turn out as a nothing scene after all.