Thanks...but for What?

I was brought up to say 'thank you' for just about everything or 'sorry' if there was a problem that may have been caused by me...even tho in my head the sorry probably meant nothing, and the thank you became just words. What's funny is I raised my children to say 'thank you' too (dropped the sorry unless it was warranted) and they learned to say thank you very early in life for receiving something or having something done for them. And like good, well trained children they say thank you correctly with no prompting and sometimes they say thank you with a hint of sarcasism leaking out of their teenage mouths...not my favorite but most of the time in fun. So just like me, they learned to give thanks for whatever it is they got or asked for or didn't ask for but just received; probably not unlike you.
But in my life of growing up we were never taught to give thanks to God for anything, except the perverbial "thank God for....." but I don't know if that really counts, its not exactly a thank you. So, like my life, I didn't teach our children to give thanks for much to God either....not a big deal, right???? The only reason I bring this up, not because I want to, but mostly because I need to get it off my chest (so to speak), the way that I feel about giving thanks, especially lately. I know, I mean I KNOW, that God created, gave life to, and timed everything in this world - believe it or not its true (something I had a hard time getting to peace with in my journey to being a believer). And I know that I should give thanks for a lot of things, like my husband who I was fortunate and blessed to have met 19 yrs ago, and my children, and my home, and on and on and on. But truly, I don't, I mean given the facts of things, I really don't thank God for many things and mean them, not really, and looking back (figuratively of course) I can't remember when I thanked God for just the stuff.
This weekend I heard a message about giving thanks...first...before you receive the blessing or request. Well you can imagine how that settled, I don't thank afterwards why would I thank before and for what? The message was about 2 Chron 20 where Judah & Jerusalem had to fight 3 nations that were coming against them, and in the midst of their concern they were told to have faith. And they did. They sent out people singing and giving thanks to God before the war, that God was going to deliver them...well that just doesn't make sense!!! I mean really to the simple mind (the one in my head) that just doesn't click. So I heard it, dwelled on it for a little while (like a couple hrs) and then - fump- out of the mind it went. Until this morning when I was reading and the passage was about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. John 11:41 says "...Father I thank you for you have heard me.." Then he called Lazarus from the dead. I never read this before, not read, read it. And, even my little book calls this a 'very strange and unusual order....the thanksgiving precedes the miracle of resurrection. I thought that the thanksgiving would hav risen when the great deed had been wrought...." Well that makes perfect sense to me!!! How about you??? I mean you ask for something, and when it comes, you say 'thank you', makes perfect sense. So why did Judah & Jerusalem thank first? Why did Jesus say thank you first? What did I miss here??? (And don't play coy you're wondering the same thing too, you're just afraid to say it!!!) Well apparently, I missed alot. I never have thanked God for the miracle of my children. Never thanked Him for the life He gave me of 18yrs with Kaleb, 16yrs with Jennifer or 14yrs with Sydney, not before or after or even now. And I think that's what I'm missing, not that this little insight unwinds my brain or covers my pain but it is what I missed. So this morning, with tears and stuttering, I thanked God for 18yrs of Kaleb's life, for his smile and way. It didn't make me less angry or more strong but it made me realize that I am sitting here waiting for a 'big' something, when its not always even big, like a resurrection or winning a war. Most of the time, the thanks has to be first just for waking up and being part of lives that I have the power to shape, encourage, destroy, or enlighten.
Thanks, for what? Thank you for this morning to see Jennifer and Sydney grow up to wonderful young women. Thank you for the friends that don't have to be friends. Thank you for the husband that goes to work every day and loves me for me and not some unexpected wife. Thank you for allowing me to be a mom to children who don't know the meaning of the word 'mom' and those who have grown up without a mom. Thank you for bringing those blessings to my life without asking for them, without seeking them out, and without knowing that they were something given.