Seasons of Change

Last year I wrote about Kaleb, our son, and his upcoming baptisim. For many of you, you know that Kaleb and his best friend, Thad (like a second son) passed away from injuries in a car accident they were in on April 24th. I was going back and reading my blogs and found 'changes of light' and relived writing that blog for a little while and then shared that page with family, new and old friends, and some acquaintences on facebook. Lee and I have received 100s of facebook notes and words of encouragement and there is little that we can do to express our appreciation of friends who make statements and commnets on our pages. Cards from people we have never met and emails and requests from those connected to the boys in some way. Our close and dear friends, Thad's parents, are not on facebook, that I am aware, but something in me wishes that they were. I treasure going to Kaleb's facebook page and reading some of the things his friends put on his wall, simple things from "i miss you" to "i love you". And some part of me wishes our friends had that opportunity too.
I can't say much about these two boys that most have not heard or would not think of, except that when you needed to smile they were the first to find something to pick on you or someone close in order to bring a smile to your face. I know that both of our boys were strong believers and knew (now know) Christ personally. Kaleb would tell me little stories about helping people randomly and telling them that it was not him and before he knew Christ he wouldn't have thought about helping. Thad didn't have to say much, his t-shirt said most of it "I love haters". Even tho this was probably a funny to him at first, I think it sung true of Thad's spirit. "I love haters" which they did, it was hard to find any one person that the boys didn't truly like or care for to the point of discontent and to find anyone who felt the same about them.
I have told other friends that I don't know how people who don't know Jesus have survived through the loss of a child, and I still don't know how those people do it. I know one, unsaved, distant family member who went through a similar situation and today, she is still living in her sons death. Not moving forward - not healing. I don't claim to be an expert on healing, more of an expert on avoidance but I can say that if God had not worked a miracle in our lives 2 yrs ago, I would be curled up in a ball in the corner of the closet. This person that is typing is not of herself; I am weak, vulnerable, tired, hurting, afraid and a little lonely; and somewhere in the mix is the Spirit of God. He is urging me forward, He is giving me comfort, He is giving me peace, and He is reminding me daily that my grieving is ok and that He understands.
"though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord holds him up with His hands."