To Follow

I love to sit outside and listen to the leaves of the trees in spring and fall, they almost sing in a high soprano voice in the spring and an even alto in the fall. It's beautiful! The move and sway with the sound that the wind makes as it flows through them. I find myself moving toward the leaves and their sound during these seasons, it's almost as if they are calling to me. I especially love the sound of Aspens in the late fall. If you've never seen an Aspen in the fall they are beautiful. They turn golden yellow and they sound like sequenced wind chimes when the move, it's amazing. Of course, living on the east coast there aren't any Aspens I remember these amazing trees from growing up in Wyoming as a young girl. But even to this day, I remember what they sound like, how they start their song soft and quietly and as the wind moves through the family of trees it becomes loud with a voice and then tapers off again. Just like a wind chime.
I often wonder these days how will I know to follow the right sounds. I mean I know what my Aspens sound like and if I heard them again, I would know without a doubt that I was close to the western mountain range. But how would I know which sound is the right sound to follow? What would be remarkable about it and would I know that was the sound I was to listen to? The non-believing Jews didn't know Christ when they heard or saw him. They constantly questioned, accused, and denied Christ. How could they not have known He was who He was? What were they missing? I mean He was standing in front of them, performing miracles, and still they denied that He was Christ. How could they not believe? I think this is where the sounds come in, the sound of a voice that echos like those Aspens far, far away. I could recognize those Aspens and the Jews who were non-believing were probably struggling with the same recognition. In past times, God had sent prophets to give His Word, to be His voice, but now He was sending His Son, the One that prophets had declared. So why couldn't they recognize His voice? In John 10:27 Jesus tells the non-believers "my sheep listen to my voice, they know me and I know them". Those are powerful words. Jesus was telling these men who were more than likely leaders of the Jews that He knew who His sheep (His people) were and they would know Him by His voice.
So why do we struggle sometimes to hear? Ok, why do I feel as tho sometimes I won't hear the right voice? Because, just like the sound of my Aspens, I fear that if I don't hear that sound for a long long time, I will forget what the sound is. When I read this scripture this morning, I started to feel set apart from God and Christ. I started to begin feeling like I really wasn't hearing the right voice. Why? Well let's face facts I'm a pretty selfish person, I really only want to hear what I want to hear and do what I want to do. So there begins the doubt of hearing the right sound or voice. When I'm battling between doing and hearing what God is trying to tell me and what I want to do and want more over in life, I begin the struggle in my mind and life. I begin to doubt if I am doing what God has prepared for me to do or if I am doing what I want to do. Lately, I have been more and more reluctant to pray what God puts on my heart. Why? Selfishness, strictly selfishness. I don't want to pray for those things because it will mean knowing that God has already made a plan for those in my life and I just don't want it to be true.
There I am waiting for the right voice, the voice that I want to hear not the voice that is calling to me. That is a personal choice, a choice that I am making not one that God is making and definitely not one that I am listening to. So what to do? How to change? Where to go? And what voice to listen to? Well, the right answer is God's voice, the real answer is my desires. I am struggling to follow that Voice, struggling with myself to listen and follow the right Sound. I know that God has placed those Aspens I heard so many, many years ago in my head on purpose. I know that it was to remember what they sounded like and to know that He put them there. I believe now that those Aspens are a reminder to me that I will remember and know His Voice and I will follow it. I prefer to follow it now but my soul and mind are still in that battle the one that is steadily loosing ground. Maybe those Aspens are so far away anymore, I can hear them pretty clearly and see them covering the ridge side. And I believe that God is there too, not so far away just waiting for me to follow His Voice.