New...

How many times do you wish you had a new life? A different life? A new place, family, things? The proverbial "grass is greener" statement seems to ring true throughout all of our lives no matter what situation we are in or where were are living. Have you noticed that? Have you ever been in the 'perfect' situation, 'perfect' job, 'perfect' life, and see someone who has one thing, not 2 or 3, but one thing that makes their life to appear "better"? I have done that my whole life; literally my whole life. (Go ahead confess and say you have too.) I want whatever I know is impossible or improbable to obtain, always have and on many levels no matter how hard I attempt to ignore or avoid those 'desires' they seem to sneak in anyway. I begin to decipher how I can get that thing, how I can change my life to obtain that thing that I don't have, don't need, and in reality don't really want but have to have. I start working out in my head a long term plan to obtain that one thing that can make the impossible possible. No matter what I am going to get that thing and I'm going to plan the trip or road to get that thing, that one new thing.

I have, over the past months, wanted more than anything to have a new life, a new day every day, a new anything that will make my life more enjoyable, pleasing, anything, just something new. And I have planned, determined, re-routed, and changed some things in my current life to get to a new life....unfortunately without success. Even to the extent of making a resolution to write every day and in an attempt to write every day to spark a devotional daily to get 'closer' to God (whatever that means). A new thing. (Just a note...I'm 4 days behind, I don't know how well this is working out for me.) Again I'm struggling to find something new and get to a point of achieving it ... and quickly if at all possible. This morning, in an attempt to get to wherever I'm going quickly, I picked up my devotional to find something that would be inspiring! (Come on admit it thats what you look for too.) I didn't find it by the way. But I did find something new "I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that gentle before me and the children be able to endure." So in all honesty, how many of you have heard this before? Or any version of this? Anyone? So it's "new". Do any of you have any idea what this means or where to find it? I didn't and I'm guessing neither do you. (And truthfully I had to read this about 6 times before I went on.) First because I couldn't believe that this verse, or any version of it, was actually in the Bible. And second, I had no clue what it had to do with any type of devotional. It didn't spark my interest, it did spark doubt but remember I'm trying this new thing on an almost daily basis, so I read on, in total skepticism. I read the first paragraph and the questions were answered. The words were Joshua's to the Isrealites as they started back to the promised land...something 'new'. Joshua told the people he was leading that he was only going to lead as far as the cattle and children would go each day. And he said this because none of them he was leading, except for Caleb, had been this way before and they did not know how difficult the trip was going to be. The words kind of make sense now don't they.

I'm on a trip to a new life, believe it or not, I am, knowing it or not, I am, wanting it or not, I am. And I am trying to get thru it quickly, a true statement of me - run thru it and get to the end quickly to get my new thing! But I'm not being allowed, for lack of a better word, to go quickly. And each time I do move quickly, I get to go back and re-do...that's all just re-do. I don't know what lies ahead of me, I don't know what the land before me holds, but someone does. And He keeps trying to slow me down and have me go only as far as I can each day, only as far as the cattle and children could endure, that's how far He wants me to go to this new life. I am resisting by the way, just in case you aren't getting that, I am resisting the slowness. Why? Because it means that I have to face things I would rather not face. I have to address issues I would rather sweep under the rug. I have to believe things I would rather not accept. So I get to re-do and slow down. I don't know what my families new life holds, I don't really know if I want to know. But eventually I will get to the 'new', without loosing the things I went thru, without forgetting my 'old' life and without 'missing' the journey.