I first started enduance horse back riding when I was 14. I had no idea what it was, I had no idea what I was doing, I just did what the woman who was teaching me to ride told me to do. I found that I loved this sport; a sport that very few people know or understand, even those who ride. Riding endurance is something that becomes a partnership, a partnership of love of something, trust of someone, and dedication of love and not a sport. The riding of your horse for preparation of a ride with a one day distance of 25 - 100 miles takes a charge of two lives. In reality, that charge becomes a partnership. I dwell and love to become as strong as either of my endurance horses. I strive to love another so much that no matter what they ask, I would do that thing without hesitation, without concern for my body, and without doubt that the asker was leading me in the right direction. That is strength.
I posted a video a friend's daughter has on her FB page, and when I saw it, I had to watch it 4 times this morning. It is either a National or International ride that is set to the song Someone Like You by SafetySuit (a band I have never heard of until this morning). I watched this video on this morning of grief, sadness that has once again set in for 2 reasons now, 1st for the loss of my son and 2nd for the loss of a love that I once had, riding. But this video and song spoke to me in a different way and altho probably not about this at all, the song resonated a strength that can not come from me or those around me. I am not a stron
g person altho those around me seem to see me as strong. I am not as strong as my horses, Raychel, Myisha or Princess, I am not deep in love and trust, and I do not depend on others for anything. I am not able to trust anyone to lead me in a direction that I should go without questioning that direction. Strength is something that I was taught was something you had or didn't have and that it was acquired not gained. Right now, my strength is low. I feel like this horse and rider, struggling uphill to get to a ridge in the destination, a place of slight relief and healing, but the hill is just steeper than it looked from the bottom and my head is low and my heart is pounding trying to catch up with the physical exertion that is taking place. Strength is dwendling. 2Cor 12:10 "I delight in weakness...For when I am weak, then I am strong." There is more to this verse but these words stand out to me, mostly because I am weak, I am failing in all that I am trying to do, and I feel as those those strengths that I thought I had are no longer there. Odd to hear those phrases together, when I am weak then I am strong. I know that this is a reference to spririt weakness, of which I am in, but when I read this I hear a different kind of weakness. I can see my horse hitting the perverbial wall that athletes hit at long distances. How, no matter how strong she was when we began the ride, at a certain point in the midst of the chase, she becomes very weak, very tired, her head lowers and her stride slows. She becomes weak in every essence and yet in all that physical strife, she continues on - heading in the direction of those in front of her, going the distance that I ask of her without hesitation. And somewhere in someway, at about mile 39, her attitude changes, she perks up, her ears flip forward, her head pops up, and her stride springs back to her usual self. She becomes strong once more, once more at the point of her weakest moment, when her head is at its lowest, when water and grazing stops become a yaaaahoooo moment, she changes. She becomes the strongest at this point, her heart jumps into action and her mind becomes faithful to my request.
g person altho those around me seem to see me as strong. I am not as strong as my horses, Raychel, Myisha or Princess, I am not deep in love and trust, and I do not depend on others for anything. I am not able to trust anyone to lead me in a direction that I should go without questioning that direction. Strength is something that I was taught was something you had or didn't have and that it was acquired not gained. Right now, my strength is low. I feel like this horse and rider, struggling uphill to get to a ridge in the destination, a place of slight relief and healing, but the hill is just steeper than it looked from the bottom and my head is low and my heart is pounding trying to catch up with the physical exertion that is taking place. Strength is dwendling. 2Cor 12:10 "I delight in weakness...For when I am weak, then I am strong." There is more to this verse but these words stand out to me, mostly because I am weak, I am failing in all that I am trying to do, and I feel as those those strengths that I thought I had are no longer there. Odd to hear those phrases together, when I am weak then I am strong. I know that this is a reference to spririt weakness, of which I am in, but when I read this I hear a different kind of weakness. I can see my horse hitting the perverbial wall that athletes hit at long distances. How, no matter how strong she was when we began the ride, at a certain point in the midst of the chase, she becomes very weak, very tired, her head lowers and her stride slows. She becomes weak in every essence and yet in all that physical strife, she continues on - heading in the direction of those in front of her, going the distance that I ask of her without hesitation. And somewhere in someway, at about mile 39, her attitude changes, she perks up, her ears flip forward, her head pops up, and her stride springs back to her usual self. She becomes strong once more, once more at the point of her weakest moment, when her head is at its lowest, when water and grazing stops become a yaaaahoooo moment, she changes. She becomes the strongest at this point, her heart jumps into action and her mind becomes faithful to my request. I don't know when I will be strong again, I don't know when my head will pop up and my heart will jump into action. I don't know that I am ready for it to happen and the wall is much thicker than I thought when I first saw it. I know that I am more and more thinking that my time with God is dwendling to nothing, and I feel as though I am going in the wrong direction. And yet, I still get up and go through my day, with my head low and my stride even slower. So these few words, "for when I am weak, then I am strong", speak of a future strength that is to come. A strength that I can not see but is out there on its way. A strength that, hopefully, God knows I need but also knows that I am not ready for because the wall is thicker yet ahead and the climb to the top of the ridge is only steeper than I can see. And somewhere up ahead, somewhere the strength that I need to make it thru the this weakness is waiting, and I will be able to make the last lurch upward to the point of strength that aludes me. And hopefully, one day, I wi
ll be to myself as strong as those around me see, one day, I will be able to say that I am weak because I couldn't be strong and that is exactly where I needed to be at that time. And now, at the end of the climb, the mountain doesn't seem so difficult and the last strides to the ridge are much easier to take. And one day, I hope to look like my horses do, I hope to look to myself like the strong person that God is preparing me to be and on the outside I look like I feel on the inside....strong.
ll be to myself as strong as those around me see, one day, I will be able to say that I am weak because I couldn't be strong and that is exactly where I needed to be at that time. And now, at the end of the climb, the mountain doesn't seem so difficult and the last strides to the ridge are much easier to take. And one day, I hope to look like my horses do, I hope to look to myself like the strong person that God is preparing me to be and on the outside I look like I feel on the inside....strong.
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