1 New Life, 1 Growing Life

I sit here this morning and look back at my mom and mother-in-law, the times that we would visit and get ready to leave and they would cry, and I think "what in the world are they crying for its not like we are leaving forever, never to be seen again." I remember hearing Lee say that when he left for college his mom cried, I remember hearing about my mom crying when I left for boot-camp and when Kaleb and I moved to North Carolina. And I remember thinking "its not that big of a deal, we're just moving to North Carolina." And yet here I sit, holding back tears that seem to be flooding my eyes, holding back fears that seem to be filling my mind, and I think "well this is just stupid!" If you haven't made it to this point in your life, don't worry, do not fret, you'll one day find yourself sitting on the couch saying "well this is stupid" just like me. Just go a head and accept that - its just a matter of time.

So I as I was trying to stay busy this morning at 6 A.M. I was trying to think of something to do that would keep these thoughts and times off my mind when I thought "why don't you write about this". I don't know if this will come as it always does when I sit down to write, I don't know if this will be  forced or flowing, so in advance I apologize for any ranting, missed message and well let's face it, tears. And at this moment I find I have two daughters who are full of two new lives, one a new life a new start and the other a growing and changing life. It has taken a lot be see these two little girls in a new light, the other day I caught a glimpse of Jenn's new life, she was sitting on the couch and turned just right and all of a sudden she was no longer the little girl I watched grow up, she was a woman. It was just a second, only a small moment and glimpse that I got to see a courage in a her that I hadn't noticed before. I have wondered over the past week how she is doing with this move from home, to a new life at college 4 hours away. And in that few seconds, I saw the answer.  Matt 9:21 Then Jesus reassured her "Courage daughter. You took a risk of faith and now you're well." (MSG) This, as you can tell, is not the standard Bible verse, it is from The Message Bible and I think it fits my beautiful courageous daughter perfectly.  The new life I saw in her, in that moment of seeing her grown up, should not have been a surprise, I saw courage. In the past week or more she has endured something of untreaded territory for her. This summer she ventured out of her comfort zone and opened her heart to a young man to have it broken, she became the first child to go away to college and found that she probably missed her brother more than she thought, and today she will enter a new chapter in her life maybe little reluctantly.....Courage.  While Jesus may have been speaking to a sick woman who was trying to get healing from the passing Messiah, He knew to well that she what she really needed was  encouragement that her faith alone was what she needed for the healing she so desired to find. I don't know if Jennifer is really prepared for her new life, I have no way of knowing for certain, but I know without doubt that the courage she has is derived from her faith that gives her strength. I know without any hesitation that she is ready to begin this new life she is treading into, and I know she does not go alone, she goes with a courage that is built on her faith.

And still in my reach is the growing life that is happening every day, the one that is shaping into a different young woman every time I see her. She is here in this house now alone with a teary eyed mother and a father who sometimes seems distant but who is more the leader of this family than she realizes. I feel for her, I was not the baby in the family, I got to leave well before my younger brother, but this young woman, has changed somewhat - all of a sudden she became a junior in high school and changed her direction in life.  She is and always has been full of heart - she is more than compassionate, she is heartfelt, something greater than compassionate. You can not get her to say something bad about someone, although it has escaped her she immediately feels bad and apologizes for her hurtful words, even when those words are spoken outside of the ears of the one she is speaking about.  Her heart is overwhelmingly filled with love and strength. And as she enters a life that is in some way forcing her to grow up,  I see her heart still steadily the same, still full of love and life. Matt 11:29 "Take my yoke upon you...for I am gentle and humble in heart..." There is more to this scripture, most of us know what it is, but the words that struck me this morning are these words. My beautiful Sydney is struggling with  her faith and while most  parents would make her venture to church and move toward those things that are faith filled, I have decided to let her heart lead her. (Go ahead gasp, I know you want to.) But in these moments that I am seeing her grow up, I see a gentle and kind person, a heart so humble that it hides itself under some of her sarcasm but it is there. I know that more than things that I can force upon this growing young woman that her heart is full of life and love, gentle and humble. Her mind may be faltering and not ready to go toward faith, it may be hidden deeply, but there in this growing life she is full of heart, one that was carefully bestowed upon her.

So here I sit, no more tears, I don't know where they went really, but they have ebbed for now. And I looked back at this blog, probably long and wordy and noticed that god so generously gave me two scriptures from the same book.  It was not planned or made that way, at least not by me, and each of these two places fit my daughters to a "t".  A new life filled with only courage to take a step forward and a growing life filled with heart. I'm so very proud of these young women, each for their courage and each for their heart, two things that they share in common, two things that each taught the other. So on today I go, my heart sad and courage failing, and as these wain in me, these things are strong in them.