Crumbs

I wonder sometimes how it is that Hansel and Gretel left crumbs of bread on a trail so they could find their way home? I mean, obviously it didn't work, but why crumbs? They had to have known, at least a little bit, that birds and other animals would eat the crumbs that lead the way out, didn't they? Well who knows maybe not-but I can only assume that since they were raised in a forest they had to have some common knowledge about that kind of thing, or at least I would hope so. And yes it seems that a fairy-tale is the bread of my blog today (haha! like that punn!). I do have to confess to you that even if you read this once in a while or look for something written everyday, I do not find the things to write about. I have tried to find things and have forced writing sometimes but in truth, the things that I write here are not my words. If they were mine, I would write about things that I find and want to write about, instead.....I'm writing about Hansel and Gretel...and crumbs.

I was surprised when I started writing the first sentence that Hansel and Gretel came out, I had no idea that this is how I would begin but in reality, it makes sense to me and it will to you shortly. I pulled out my devotionals today, first time in a while, and had two things stand out, one was part of a verse...Matt 15:23 " Jesus did not answer a word..." Well I had to know what the story was behind this statement from Matthew. So I read Matt 15:23-28, a story I have read before, and so have you. It's about a Canaanite woman with a sick daughter, and she is continually begging Jesus to heal her daughter, even tho she takes care of her dogs first and foremost. She is criticized about this, chastised by Christ for giving her dog bread before her children. Her response "Yes...but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master's table." Hummm, kind of an odd statement to rebut being chastised; but Jesus answers her back saying "Woman! You have great faith. Your request is granted!" Crumbs...that was her answer, crumbs and He just gave her what she wanted. Who knew that something so little would get a gift so great....crumbs.

I wonder how much faith it takes to get a gift like this one from Christ? I wonder how much faith I have to have in order to get a healing of great worth? All through Christ's days He says faith just needs to be small; as small as a mustard seed to move mountains, as small as a crumb to get healing, small. And yet, I wonder how small is that faith? How small? I mean I can see a mustard seed and crumbs, so how small. Small enough for someone to be able to see but not discern what it is? Small enough that when trouble comes, He is the first one you run too? Small enough that no one else knows its there? How small is small!???!!!  I would say I don't know the answer, I do know, however, how it feels to have Him not answer.  Some people call this feeling a 'dry season' a 'season of pursuing faith', a 'season of reflection'. I call it a season of crap-yep there you have it, I said it! I don't know the answer to my questions and I probably never, never will know the answer. I thought that faith was something seen by only Him and that He measured your faith. But through these years of doubt and dryness, I have found that others see my faith, or more pointedly lack of it in their eyes. I don't know how small, small actually is but I do know what 'no answer' is. It is the silence that comes when I scream for a gift and none comes; it is the silence that echos in the room when I can't sleep; it is the inevitable sound that I once knew, then walked away from, and has now returned.  How small of a crumb is needed to receive a gift for Him? I don't know. But I do know this, my faith is small, sometimes so small that I don't even know it exists. My faith is weak and it is hidden well in me, where most can not see it and I'm sure He would have to look hard to find. My faith is faltering and there are things that cause me to stumble continually in the sight of those around me. And He does not answer every time I beg, plead, or bargain. But I am standing on a crumb, a small and fine morsel of faith, hidden as it may be, I am standing on it. I hope that all this silence is just a passing moment and soon I will know that my crumb has not been scavenged by dogs waiting for a morsel from their master. I stand on my crumb, sometimes faltering, sometimes wavering, and sometimes hiding it and I hope that He sees how great I want my faith to be in His sight. Just a crumb, that's all that is needed.