Delaying the Inevitable

Ok so a couple of days ago I came to the realization that I needed to follow what I believe God is asking me to do and directing me toward and I have yet to accomplish that task. I call it a task because in my mind that is exactly what it is a task ahead of me, even though God has been waiting behind me to do what He said to do. I was hoping to have the courage to go to Michelle's and find out how she was doing with the onset of the breast cancer diagnosis, but fear has assembled in my soul and I find that it is not as easy as I thought it would be. I can't imagine what things are going through her mind let alone how she is personally handling the stress. Michelle has a 14 year old daughter who I am sure knows that her mother has been diagnosised. Michelle has always been open with her daughter, so it is not a far stretch to believe or assume that this diagnosis has been shared. I do know what it means to be strong for your children. What it means to hid emotion and act as though all is good and sound in your life when it actually isn't. I know what it means and what it feels like to hide in a bathroom and cry in silence when you can't share that emotion with your child.
So here I sit all evening finding other things to do to keep from having to go to Michelle's and see her. I had a picture in my head of becoming the kind of friend that she actually needs and I have yet to step into that position. I don't know if that came from me dreaming it up or if God actually showed it to me in the future but I do know that Michelle needs a friend, a female friend, who can be strong for her when she can not.
I wonder how Saul felt when he couldn't see after meeting the living Christ on the road to Damascus. I wonder how it felt to in one moment be the strongest person in the group of people you are in and the next being completely helpless. I don't know how I would react to such a situation, I don't know if I could react to such a situation but I know that Saul did. He immediately reacted the way God wanted him to not the way his thoughts directed or by what he saw. I think that's how we are suppose to live. I think that it doesn't matter truly what we do or how far we run or what excuse we come up with, God is going to get the reaction He wants no matter what we don't do.
Ok so I do need to go see Michelle! Ya know, I don't know how much I like this blogging stuff. It makes me think things through to write them and then like a light switch I usually get the picture. Maybe I should just do it the first time then when I write I would have a testimony instead of a dilemnia to spread around on the internet...hummm now there's something to think about.