Asked Again

This week just flew by and I just ignored the fact that I might want to take a few minutes and write this all out but I did. I have three children, teenagers actually, and two of them are in spring high school sports so our evenings are pretty demanding. (I actually love it and look forward to it being over in the summer. ) So I miss alot with friends outside of our sport family. One thing I missed was a friend, Michelle, that I rode horses with regularly until recently was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was called by another friend of ours, Toni, about the diagnosis in kind of an odd way. Toni called me and asked how my day (work day) was and when I said "a little hectic and crazy the ususal for me during tax season in a law office that practices tax". She asked me "if I wanted to hear something that would make my life seem great". Well what was I suppose to say "sure". "Michelle just emailed me and told me that she wasn't going to a trekking event (horse thing) next weekend because she was diagnosised with breast cancer and they were working to schedule her for a double or "bi" mysectomy (spelling). Kind of makes your life seem perfect huh?" I was a little taken back and there was a little silence but then I responded with "I think my life is pretty good and has been." I almost couldn't believe I said it, and I know that that wasn't me but the fact that I have God in my life even when things are bad I have Him.

The first thing after my call that came to me was to email Michelle and find out how she was doing and what she needed from me; which I did. The second thing was that I needed to see her and soon. I don't know exactly why but on my way home from work, I had an urgent feeling and driving to see Michelle and pray healing over her. Ok so this is where I had a problem and I've been avoiding the problem as of lately (or at least the past two days).

In Matthew 19:27-28, Jesus said "who ever wants to be first must be a slave just as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many."

The meaning of these words of Jesus changed for me today and if I had read them when I was suppose to instead of 2 days later they would have lead me to the understanding that I have now. I was asked to go see Michelle and ask her if I can pray over her healing. I know that Michelle is a non-believer, I have for awhile now and this will put me in a position where I have to trust that God really wants me to act in this manner and that He will open a door for Michelle through me. This is not the least of the requests that I have failed to surrender to, this is the one of the biggest directives that I have had to face. Michelle is a good friend who I dearly love just as much as I love Toni. But both of them have been critical of mine and Lee's decision for God and Christ and I am fearful of loosing them as friends. Jesus however gave His life for people that He didn't even know and was fine with that purpose. His words speak differently to me this morning. My ransom may very well me my friends and I know that because this morning I feel at peace with what God is asking me to do and I'm not striving to find a way out, although I would gladly take one if it was offered by God (notice by God not me). So it's time to put on my big girl panties and step out into a world of persecution but that's ok because God is leading the way and clearing the obstacles for me. I am going to attempt to begin to live fearlessly (thank you Corey for getting God's word to me and hopefully others), I hope I can stand up to the fire.