Nothing Yet

I wonder sometimes when things will go back to 'normal'. When I'll wake up and feel as though I actually slept, when I'll get up and feel as though all is right. Things haven't been right for a long time and I worry that they will never be right, or at least to my definition of right, again. I've never really had words of wisdom or words of faith and lately it seems as though those things are getting farther and farther away. And I'm not sure how to find my way back to the place of faith that I knew not to long ago. But in this part of my long walk through a dry and desolate desert, I hear these words "help me with my unbelief". I actually read them in a book written my a lifelong Christian going through a terrible loss and throughout she kept saying to God "help me with my unbelief", and so those words have been resinating in my head. I have went through a season where I was once again chosing not to believe, chosing not to want to believe and I can't honestly say that I don't have that season still at large within me. And still I hear "help me with my unbelief" constantly going through my head. Why, in a whole 200+ page book did this half sentence stick with me? And how in the world do I get it out of my head? I don't know if I can or anyone can remove this statement from resinating in my head and throughout my conscience, although I would love it to happen. I don't know if it will ever go away, the unbelief that I struggle with due to the fear that has mounted within me. I don't know if there is anything to do about the fear that feeds my unbelief except to live in it. I know my unbelief is real and I know that I still believe (how about that for an oxi-moron!?). And I know that the unbelief is going to stay for a while and may never go away but as long as I believe there is One who can fight my unbelief and knows that I am struggling with my unbelief, I will never be alone. I miss my previous life, I miss being a mom of 3, I miss my girls being little and I miss my son, "help me with my unbelief". Mark 9:24 "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief."