The Dark

The dark is a scary thing, it's a thing that I really want to avoid and it just seems to keep coming around. I've been doing a good job of avoiding it as of late, trying to stay out of it as much as possible, and yet its pressing in on my heart. I just can't get away from it! Anyone with an answer why? I started running almost a year ago and I'm still running only now its getting harder to keep ahead of it and I'm not doing well trying to accept the dark that I need to go into because of fear of what's in the dark. Last night and again this morning, I had 2 things come up that referred to the dark:

"The quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day, is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun but to head east, lunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise."

I've quoted this before and I still don't like it.

Exodus 20:21 "Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was."

"Hast thou a cloud?

Something that is dark and full of dread;

A messenger of tempest overhead?

A something that is darkening the sky;

A something growing darker bye and bye;

A something that thou fear'st will burst at last;

A cloud that doth a deep, long shadow cast,

God cometh in that cloud.

Hast thou a cloud?

It is Jehovah's triumph car; in this

He rideth t the, o'er the wide abyss

It is the robe in which He wraps His form;

For He doth gird Him wigh the flashing storm.

It is the veil in which He hides the light

Of His fair face, to dazzling for thy sight.

God cometh in that cloud.

Hast thou a cloud?

A trail that is terrible to thee?

A black temptation threating to see?

A loss of some dear one long thine own?

A mist, a veiling, bringing the unknown?

A mystery that unsubstantial seems;

A cloud between thee and the sun's bright beams?

God cometh in that cloud.

Hast thou a cloud?

A sickness-weak old age-distress and death?

These clouds will scatter at thy last faint breat,

Fear not the clouds that hover o'er thy barque,

Making the harbour's entrance dire and dark;

The cloud of death, though misty, chill and cold,

Will yet grow radiant with a fringe of gold.

GOD cometh in that cloud."

I don't like this poem, not really because its telling me to do something that I don't want to do and am resisting. I wish, truly wish the dark would just go away and this journey would be easier than it is, softer than it has been and turning into. I still don't know if I am strong enough to handle things, I know I'm stubborn enough to avoid those things. I don't know who reads this and I don't worry about that but if you have said prayer for our family, I love you and want to say that I am not praying having an issue with that communication with God. But I know that someone is praying and I love knowing that, thank you for praying us through this season.