A 2nd Junior

Once again, I find myself at the beginning of a junior year of soccer. Starting off the season with evening workouts at open field, then try out week, and ultimately the waiting to see where my young player will land - varsity or jv. This spring is different tho, this spring is the beginning of a soccer season for my daughter, Jennifer, that is new and different. And this spring, I see her completely different, this year I see a young woman. I don't know exactly when she grew up, I couldn't even tell you what happened in the process of her growing up yet it happened. She grew from a brunette infant (yes brunette) to a spicy, hardheaded blonde who on occasion can be truly blonde. She has always been the more stable, more resilient, more sound minded, more reasonable of my 3 children and she is always my 'go to girl'. I can't explain her any other way than that, she is exactly all those words. She has something to say in all situations, usually with a smile or a smirk of smartness, but she finds the right thing to say at exactly the right moment. She is an expressive girl who is determined in a mission and flighty when you least expect it.

Jennifer never ceases to surprise or amaze me especially when I least expect it. This weekend at youth she spoke to the middle and high school groups on her life over the past 9 months. Something that I didn't find out about until Friday evening when Sydney, my youngest daughter, spilled the proverbial beans. Jennifer wanted it to be a surprise but it didn't quite work out the way she planned. So Sunday night, instead of going to my usual group meeting, I found myself, along with Lee, Sydney, and Danielle (a friend of the girls) standing in the front row of the youth meeting getting ready for worship (or a rock concert?). Jennifer didn't stand with us, she stood at the front of the stage - unafraid to worship God through the music with raised hands and closed eyes. Something I have not seen her do in our morning worship time. Then without delay Heath Caddell, the youth pastor, gave the students the usual announcements and then announced Jennifer. With her confident, nervous self she sat down on the stage and began to speak about herself and the things that happened from April 24th forward. A word to a group of youth friends that, I believe, knew that she was not well in the loss of her older brother and yet didn't pressure her to discuss her feelings. Jennifer, unfortunately, is a lot like me (sorry Sis it's true). She was unorganized and got off topic; she called her brother her best friend and his best friend her's too. She talked about being angry at God and finding comfort in other things. She talked about being the oldest and how to be strong, or not to be strong. She talked about being crushed and how she eventually heard God's voice. She talked about life. These are all the things that I heard as I am sure others did too. What they probably didn't hear were the unspoken words within the funny anticdotes as though she was having a conversation with someone other than a room full of people. I heard in those funny moments the multiple conversations that she had with Kaleb and now enjoys with Sydney. The flightly spontaneous jokes of her own amazement and giggle.

Jennifer is amazing in many ways, and many times over I have held onto something that I knew about her, that God has something special planned for her. I didn't know what but now I do. She told us she was nervous but she loved being able to speak about what God had brought her through and she told us that she knew that she was to be able to help someone else go through the same thing. Funny how when you least expect life to change you it does.
I love this 2nd Junior of mine, she is wise beyond her years, and loving beyond her heart. Her blue eyes sparkle even when her voice does not and she is the wisdom that she shouldn't be at 16 yrs of age. Proverbs 23:15 "My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right". I wonder why the Bible never says "daughter"? I know and understand that "sons" were the foundation of each family and most of the writers of the Bible being men and those leaders being men, spoke to their sons, but what about their daughters. I have 3 children, one who is with his God and 2 who are learning life without him as part of them. I know now, after Sunday evening, the Jennifer is the wise one, the one who speaks the truth and what is right. I know she is the heart that seeks God's living water and she is beaconing me and Lee to follow her. And yet there are very little times when I can find where "daughters" are wise in the Bible. I don't know or truly care why to be honest because at second glance at this verse it reads like this "my daughter, your heart is wise even though you may struggle, and my heart is glad even though you can not see it, and my spirit rejoices at the words you speak because they are right and true". I love this 2nd Junior of mine, she is forceful without force, she is lively without an additive and she speaks of life in the moment. I can not imagine my life without her and she is more part of this life and speaks of life more than I will ever understand, this from a Junior in High School. I wish I could redo my childrens' lives so I could take note of all their messages - don't you? So I ask, what are your daughters and sons trying to tell you? How are they getting through without you knowing? Are they seeing, hearing, and going though something that you don't understand? I bet there is something that you're missing, I know I did (and not once but twice - once with Kaleb and now with Jennifer - I wonder what Sydney will hold for me). So the slow down is what it is, the slow down to start hearing, paying attention, noticing, releasing and at the same time regathering of my childrens' wisdom.