Wait......

I am not a waiter....I think that's correct, probably not but that's what it is now! And I don't mean like a waiter in a restaurant, I mean a waiter! Someone who can wait in long lines for tickets, they are waiters; people who can wait for something to happen, they are waiters; me not so much a waiter. I usually want it to happen -like yesterday - and as time rises to whatever it happens to be I'm waiting for...I get antsier and antsier.  For those of you who know me, you are probably thinking...'what you?! no!' I know a revelation huh?! :) Soooo for those of you who do know me it will come as no surprise that standing in my pasture are two horses that can not wait either. Both are great horses but neither can just wait..of which someone was kind enough to point out was my fault because I am not calm and tranquil...thank you for that revelation! Horses, as many of you know, are a great part of my life, they were a salvation from a history that was less then favorable and less than wanting. And, most of you who know horses also know that they are waiters in the sense that I am not.  Knowing this, I googled 'horses standing in the rain' for pictures, and I was surprised to find horses running in the rain, playing in the rain, etc. Why a surprise? Because horses don't do that; they will move forward under saddle in the rain, but horses in a pasture or in the wild will stand, butts to the wind driven rain, heads down until the rain passes....they wait.

Usually my horses can't wait to get to go wherever it is so that they can get back to their pasture...my older mare, Raychel, has been my job mare, my endurance partner for a long time and she loves to go and go for a long time....she's great at it and generally she can not wait to go down the trail as the out timer calls seconds to "trail open". It's almost as tho she can completely understand what is being said, when in reality Raychel can tell by me, by my hands, my body language, my anticipation to not be able to wait. She is anticipating my every move, motion, direction, and she responds to it almost on the moment, ok sometimes before the moment. I, however, do not have someone on my back telling me to 'hold on' and 'wait' for me to tell you when to do something....or do I? Romans 8:25 "We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become and the more joyful our expectancy." (MSG) "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." (NIV) Ok so my analogy of someone on my back telling me to 'wait' was a very poor description but it kind of feels that way.....that God is telling me to wait for Him, and I am constantly jigging in place, balling up by body to burst away in anticipation for .....what! I am not a good waiter, I am not a good  stand in place and hold on kind of person, so standing around does not sit well with me. Come on you're probably exactly the same way, you're just not willing to admit it. Why? Probably because you don't know what you are waiting for yet, or you haven't had a hope so large that you are ready for it to come to fruition so you can see it, or maybe because you are so grown in Christ that waiting is just something you do well....I hope one day to be that way...or do I? Or am I suppose to be that way? Every scripture that tells someone or me to wait, I always think what great disciples and people of Christ...and then there's always one or two who are not waiters, they want it now! Like right now! Maybe I'm one of those people, a non-waiter.

I'm not by any means ready to put my head down in the storm and wait it to pass, the storm that I am in is a struggle of spirit and mind, it is a storm that I can't stand to wait out. Even tho He says to wait patiently for what I hope for...I just can't do it. Unlike a horse, I can't stand in the storm with my back to it, head down, and wait for it to pass and provide green grass...that's really what they are waiting for ;), the grass.  Have I tried? Well not really, but every time an attempt is made, my body stays in motion....I'm not ready to just be a waiter and I don't know that I'm suppose to be a waiter. Am I waiting for confirmation on that, yes. Every part of my being is going, my mind, my body, my spirit, and waiting becomes a hindrance and brings with it depression.  Unlike my wise horses, who stop in the rain, turn away from its force and waits it out, I run into it....never to my avail and usually to my demise and yet I do it. I hope to be a waiter one day, a waiter for what I hope for, a waiter for the things that should be what I'm striving toward, a waiter on Christ...I just don't think that I'm there, not yet.