Growed Up

I love hearing my husband say things like "growed up" or "whore-dee-vors" (i.e. hors d'oeuvres); its definitely horrible english but its funny and our kids used to ask "what is that?" when he would say those words or use those words and phrases. And off and on, I'll ask "look at you all growed up"....of which my daughters return "yep". If you have children, you know that the growth process seems to take forever, then one day you get up and realize that they are all growed up. This week, in training for an endurance ride in a month, a friend, who as been riding a older mare or a growed up mare, decided that she needed to bring her younger horse up and use her instead. I have written about this little mare before, when she was with me she and I didn't always see eye to eye. Although she would do as I asked, go where I directed and act like I expected, there was always a hint of us not quite making a connection (not to unlike a teeanger!).  On her first training ride out, and for the first time ever, she bucked my friend...twice. I didn't catch the first act but heard my friend's voice and knew what was going on. The little mare, while willing to a degree, apparently decided she wasn't so willing...although she is 14 she definitely was acting un-growed up!

Last night looking back at Wednesdays ride, I realized something, the mare's actions had nothing to do with her age but her growness (how about that for a non-word!). Not to unlike the picture of the foal, the mare just decided she was wanting to do her thing. Foals are full of adventure and playing, they run and buck at will when they want to do what they want to and sometimes look like the picture of this little foal.
John 21:18 "very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself, and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your arms and someone else will dress you and lead you where you don't want to go." Just so we are clear, I am fully aware that when Jesus was speaking here he was talking to Peter and telling Peter about his death and how that death will happen. But, when I remembered this scripture was yesterday morning, after our first training ride with the up and coming mare, and for the life of me I couldn't remember where to find it (thank you God for google!).  But, last night on our second training night, the little mare whom my friend and I expected to run from her to go, didn't run; she stood quietly in the pasture, accepted the halter, loaded easy as pie, stood at the trailer quietly, and went last night as though this was truly old hat. What a different little mare in 24 hrs, wouldn't you agree? So again this morning, the scripture was egging at me, and I found what I was looking for - a message about being growed up.  Isn't it amazing how God uses something to direct you somewhere? Because last night, that little mare looked something more like the picture of older horses doing what they are directed to do, going the direction that they are told, and without the buck. She was dressed and lead to a place she may not want to have originally gone but she went.

It's amazing to me, how God uses things that are in front of me to get a point across, usually a point I don't want to recognize or address. My horses, whether you believe it or not, were intentionally placed in my life. The horses that have come and gone through my life, were intentionally placed there to teach me a lesson. Lucky me! What lesson this time, well that its probably time to be growed up....a thing I definitely want to avoid. Why? Well unlike my children (and me when I was young) who want to be "grown", I want to run from it, hide away from having to be 'growed'. I believe that somewhere in all of us we desire to be un-grown, at least a little bit - go ahead and deny it...I have been for some time. I have stopped 'growing' stopped moving forward, stopped wanting something more. How do I know that? Because God plainly told me that this week - He used a mare to show me something that I am refusing to see. I guess I should say thank you, but I really don't want to; I'd prefer to go back to being and like not knowing I wasn't growing, but something tells me that's not going to happen. Just like the little mare, I am being asked to do something, go somewhere and be someone whom I didn't want to be. I guess my days of being a carefree foal are soon to be over and I should just accept the yoke that's being held for me and follow the One who is leading me.