the unraveling

Have you ever had a shirt of jacket that starts to unravel at a seam? And when this happens it can't happen to the article of clothing that you'd just throw away, no its usually the piece of clothing that you most like to wear that starts to unravel - causing a set of events to begin that may never end. I may be different than most people but when this happens to me, I immediately go to find the one thing that will fix it....needle and thread..and start reattaching the seams, ugly as it may be in the end, they are together and work, well for a while. Doesn't it always 'seem' that sometime in the future, that unraveling seam begins to separate again? Farther up the seam there is a hint of thread that, in an attempt to quickly remove, it starts another process of separation, requiring yet another set of mendings, and the process goes on and on. An still every time an unraveling is found, I run to my needle and thread and try to save that piece of cloth. Why? I have no idea but at the time it 'seems' like a good idea, until the end result is not so pretty, not so even, and I have to throw the clothing away in defeat.
An unraveling is taking place in a not so far off life of mine. An unraveling of friends who have been together for over 12 years. An unraveling that began almost 6 years ago and shortly after the attempted mending process started. The two seams began their process, one unraveling and one mending, one holding at first then pulling away as time went on, the other sewing faster with the ebbing of days. Then, as it always happens, the thread that is loosened and pulling apart starts to unravel faster and faster along the seam, racing to the end of its tattered thread; all the while the mending is working harder and harder to put the two seams together, trying to miss fingers with pointed ends, attempting to appease the tattered thread with new hope, and to no avail, the unraveling races on.
I have known for a while that this unraveling was taking place but like all who see a seam pull apart, I tried to offer mending to hold the 2 pieces together, trying to help the mender as much as possible, until the seam became to difficult to work, and I left the friendship. This week another friend has felt the peace of leaving the mending game, taking peace of mind to trust God in the decision, she too is leaving the process, and I wonder and fear what will happen to the mender? How will this affect the mending effort? I wondered so much about this that when I was told about my other friend leaving the relationship, I felt worried for the mender, concerned, and I didn't know what, if anything, I could do. That's when I heard the word unraveling, in my head, and I believe it came from God, without doubt, it did. It spoke directly to the long time friendship that has been falling apart and I wondered where it would lead me...and this is what I found. Rev 18:14 "Everything you've lived for gone! All delicate and delectable luxury, lost! Not a scrap, not a thread to be found."  You may think at first that this has nothing to do with the friendship I refer to but you'd be wrong. You may think that verse has nothing to do with you or any part of your life, and I think you'd be wrong. The things I cherish most, the things that I may not consider luxury or delicate, the things in this world that I hold, every thread of my being......that is what He is saying. Well that's not exactly what I wanted to hear this morning! So...as trusting as He is, He gave me another verse. James 2:26 "The very moment you separate spirit and body, you end up a corpse....." Well, gee thanks! That's exactly what I thought when I read this the first time but it held the words that I was most drawn too.  Why? The unraveling of a friendship, long together and lately being held with a thin thread, was not only resonant of the true friendship I am referring too. That same unraveling took place in my life, and like every other time, I ran to find a way to start the mending. In the end, something I realized just yesterday, that unraveling has been a separation of my body and spirit; oh, no not in the way of 'I'm dying' separation, but in a very real way nonetheless. I have tried in every way to mend the in my own way the separation of my body and spirit, struggling to be a little closer in my relationship with God, to no avail. Just like my friends, I have been trying to mend the seam, and I have realized that is not something I can mend. The unraveling moves faster the harder I struggle and I can not catch up to the pulling thread. The unraveling that I'm trying to mend has been a fight fought alone; one in my spirit and mind, between my body and soul, and I realized yesterday that I have lost that fight.....and that's ok.
See, just like my friends, when their unraveling began a fight ensued, an unseen fight, that has continued over 6 years; 6 years of neither of the 2 friends talking about the unthreading seam. One fights one way, the other fights another way, both in opposite directions, one always struggling to mend the seam, the other running faster and farther away. That is not unlike my life (and probably not unlike your life). The fact is that no one can mend the seam that is unraveling between my friends, just like I can not mend the seam that unraveled to the place I am this morning. It is suppose to be that way, it is without doubt the thing that is suppose to happen, I am not suppose to win the unraveling race. The Mender, the only One who can put the seams together cleanly and completely is asking me to step aside, something that does not come easy for me to do! But when I look at my friends caught up in the unraveling they are in, I see that on the outside they are fine, the seam 'seems' to be holding, but on the inside the separation has taken place and only a corpse remains, every thread is quickly disappearing, and the fight is coming to an end. That is what I look like, fine on the outside but inside I was slowly becoming a corpse to life. I know now that the seam in my life, the one between body and spirit, mind and soul, can be mended but not of my own needle and thread but that of God's needle and thread. He is my Mender, He is the Mender who can put my seams together without a fight and I just realized that last night. When will my friends realize that? I don't know, maybe sooner rather than later, maybe not in time, maybe never. When will you realize that? I don't know, I can only hope that, unlike me, you can see that the Mender is waiting to put the seams together, without your own effort, without your own fight, He can mend.
The very moment you separate spirit and body, you are a corpse. (James 2:26) Everything you've lived for, gone! Not a scrap not a thread to be found. (Rev 18:14) [but] there is a time to rip out and a time to mend. (Ecc 3:7)... let this be a time to mend.