Separated

I don't know if you can understand or want to understand the place that my heart, mind and soul stand entrenched. I don't know if I can explain, demonstrate, or even begin to lead your mind or imagination in that direction to give you a sampling of this place. It is probably, by far, easier for me to use a different personal experience, one that may be related directly to you, to bring you to this understanding. Many, if not all of us, have in some way been affected by a separated family, most through the act of divorce. I'm sure many of us in one way or another have moved from a childhood home or a long time home where we have made life long friends whereby we swear to stay in touch and close across the distances. And we become, without warning, separated from part of our lives that in its essence was something of paradise (well in one way paradise). We become separated by space, land, miles, and other people, from those parts of our lives and we move on, finding a parent in a new way or finding a new friend whom we wouldn't have met otherwise without the move.

Its easy to associate or place something in the way of being separated, actually very easy, especially when its a family break (usually someone moves out causing the separation) or a move from short-time home putting distance, a physical realm between two people. There is, however, a type of separated that you can not see, one that is not part of a physical picture such as a move. There is a separateness that causes a wandering that leaves much to be desired and one that I hope not many would have to experience. My mind,needless to say, wanders, drifts, and slowly separates itself from the rest of me (odd I know), and I'm sure many of you have experienced that wandering too. I believe that it is a survival tactic for my mind, a way for my mind to maintain itself against my will. My mind has, literally, a mind of its own, the separation that is created by its wandering makes it possible for it to think rationally, process and continue to take care of my body. So what is it separating itself from? My heart. My heart although somedays has the power to get me out of bed and move me in a straight line, is not really here. My heart has been separated from my mind and soul for over a year and it is, without any control, lingering at the place that my mind can not stay. And these to vital parts of me have without delay separated themselves quite effectively from my soul. Although some days I look and sound full of life, a life that my mind can work through and my heart can pound through, there is little soul within it. I believe that if any one really looked they could see the separation of me, the distance between the 3 things that make my life function inside of my frame-where they are separated by time and emotion.

I don't like this separation and it has taken me this long to figure out how I can still work without literally falling into shambles, how I can make everything function without wandering away. Now that I have figured out this pandora's box problem, I'm worried that I will not be able to reunite these 3 and if I can when with it happen. I worry that this separation between the 3 parts of me have created and caused a 4th separation, a separation from my faith and God. The struggle to bring together the 3 separated parts of me becomes more difficult when I am struggling to know God is with me, although I know, or having difficulty believing He is walking with me, although He is, and I realize that knowing is only 1/8 of the truth and formula to bring me back together. The separateness, I now know, is partly survival, partly life, and somewhere in between those things is faith bridging survival and life together in a way that either of the other 2 parts are able to do alone. I don't like this separation and rebuilding, that's actually what it is a rebuilding of a relationship and foundation -only its inside where you can't see. I don't like knowing and knowing that is not the foundation to rebuild. But I believe (I think) that somewhere in the mangled separated mess that is in shambles inside of me there is Someone who can put it all back together, if I didn't, even though I don't see it everyday, my mind would just wander me away. My heart would just be sad all the time and my soul would have to fight in between to keep me in the physical here. So I believe.
Romans 8:35, 39"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... neither height or depth, nor anything in all creation, will be able to separate us from love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Philemon 1:18 "perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was so that you might have him back for good..."