To Boldly Go Through Water....

Have you ever tried to find something and not matter how hard you look you can't seem to locate what you are looking for? I have been in that place this morning; determined to find a passage that is eluding me, probably on purpose, I am totally convinced that Beth Moore is right that just when you think you know where something is in the Bible it moves. Or maybe I'm not suppose to talk about that one particular verse, even tho that is exactly what I want to write about...and yet it is not in the place that I am certain it was located not to long ago. So, I am sticking with my plan, yep that's the way I am, hard headed, bullheaded, stubborn, well it all means the same thing...right? Well let's hope so, or what I'm writing is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. Okay, lets go!

Why water? Well because if you know anything about horses, yes horses, you are fully aware that water seems to be a challenge above all challenges for a horse to go through. The reason is beyond me, I have heard that horses only see in two dimension and they only see that something is there, a reflection or black hole, and they are afraid to step into what they can not see. I tend to believe that statement, true or not, I believe that it's probably very true. My young horse, Myisha, had a huge issue with water when I first started riding her. Talk about bullheaded and stubborn, you have no idea. I used pulling bribing, and even had her ride buddies travel away from her...and she did not budge, could have cared less. Then after about 3 months of -ok not fighting - she just went through, from that day forward she went willing right through water, trotting, walking, cantering, right through water she went, no questions no hesitation...well until August of this year.  For the first time in 4 years she bulked at a puddle. To boldly go through water quickly turned to 'you first'.  Funny picture isn't it of the nicely dressed man hanging on his horses neck? Well that is what I had to have looked like in August! Looking back there were a lot of things that caused the bulk, she was alone the first time without a ride buddy, she was in the lead with 5 horses behind her, it was at the beginning of the ride, and the list goes on and on...But in reality, the reason she didn't go through the puddle willingly was because she didn't believe me. Yep that's right, she didn't believe me. 2 Cor 5:7 "For we walk by faith, not by sight." (Just for the record, no, this is not the passage that I was looking for when I started this blog, but this is the one that seemed to jump out at me even in my failing attempts to locate the passage of scripture I wanted to use; says something doesn't it?)

You may ask, what didn't my horse believe, and why would that have anything to do with the course of this writing, and, of course, where is this mumbo jumbo heading? (go ahead, it seems that way, just a bunch of illucide writing, right? well I hope not.) The title "to boldly go through water" was a play on words from Star Trek (just for all you trekkies) that I used some time ago on a set of rhythm beads for my horse (long story, don't ask); it was not intended as a title to anything here, yet that is exactly the title that I'm using to make a point. My horse didn't believe me that it was okay to go through that puddle to enter the dark covered trail just beyond it and that it was okay to go and nothing was going to eat her; she didn't have faith in my decision to go in the place I was pointing her. Am I personally afraid of water? No. But I know people who are, maybe not a puddle but water nonetheless. What I am afraid of is moving; moving from where I've become comfortable, moving without knowing what's just beyond the dark puddle and under the tree covered, dark trail, all because I can't see. Not to unlike my reluctant mare, I don't believe that God has good intended for me where I can not see to go, I don't believe that He has my heart in mind, my safety in His heart, nor my sanity in perspective. That's what it really boils down to; believe it or not, just like my mare, who was certain that something was amiss, I too am certain that there is something lurking in the shadows just beyond the pit that the puddle is hiding, I'm afraid to move.

I'm not entirely sure what, if anything, this particularly blog is suppose to do for me, well okay besides smack me in the head, kick me in the sides to prod me forward, and push me through the puddle (yes that is exactly what I did to Myisha), but I'm hopeful that it'll all come together (in this paragraph!). I know in my heart and mind that some of you who read this are fully ready to go through the water and not care how deep or scary the other side is, and I'm fully aware that some of you are saying "amen sister", because like me, you are afraid to move. "For we walk by faith, not by sight" - for each of us afraid to move, we know that this means beyond doubt we are to move - get through the muck that we are not willing to tread and yet we don't go because we don't believe. How do we change that? Well for my horse, she had no choice, she was most definitely going through that water! And I believe that God is not to unlike me when I ride, maybe He isn't using a stern voice (or maybe He is) and maybe He isn't literally kicking me in the side, but He most definitely isn't allowing me to get away from the water. I can't go around it, and I can't go back (although truth be told it would be nice), so here I stand waiting to not be afraid to move. Waiting to look like this horse and rider above, boldly going through water, without hesitation, without reserve, without fear of what's waiting on the other side. "For we walk by faith, not by sight", maybe I need a blindfold? Maybe I just need to close my eyes and take the first step to find out that the water isn't quite as scary and deep as I think and only ankle deep there's the ground.
For we walk by faith, not by sight... Lord help me walk blindly and believe.

12 Days and Counting....

Yep, that's right 12 days and counting.....down that is, counting down. What to? A record, well to me anyway. I am by far the worst at sticking to a program, continuing on something that I desperately need to do or something that i may want to do and then - part way through- just stop working toward that goal. Somewhere, sometime ago, I heard someone say, that if you do something for 21 days it becomes a habit, you work it into your daily life and that habit becomes part of your routine. Wow huh? Great news because 3 weeks, or 21 days, isn't really that long, well until you start something and you start counting, keeping record, watching the clock so to speak, and then those 21 days become the longest 21 days you have ever withstood! If you don't know what I'm referring to, then you are one of those lucky people who no matter what is going on, an upcoming event, a time frame you are looking forward too, you are not affected by the elongated day at work, the dragging of the end of the week to that destined time when the even will happen, all in all you are mightly blessed not to be affected by anticipation. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people....I'm exactly opposite. The day can not get here fast enough, I pine over a time frame to end so that I can get to the anticipated goal of whatever it is and the days drag forth, the time drags on....and so, in most instances, when I attempt to reach a milestone goal, or record for me, I give up, seeing the goal to be to far away for me to reach, or to much work for me to achieve. This time, however, this time I did not count up, I decided to start counting down.

You may think it odd that someone would countdown to reach a goal but that's not unusual for any of us, not when you really think about it.  For me, and a large majority of my friends, we hear the countdown at every ride we attend.....The infamous voice of Nancy or Laurie echoing in the  morning dawn "10 minutes to trail open", while warming up or finishing saddling. "5 minutes!" The anticipation and nerves start to roll in my belly, butterflies flutter through my body out of my hands and through the reins to my horse who responds with anticipation and excitement.  "1 minute.", the sound comes from the trail head through the crowd of riders, horses jigging, trotting, side stepping, excitement and energy flow through the herd of horses and riders. "30 seconds." Riders, top runners have stopped at the trail head to get a first head start; "10, 9, 8 7, 6"...the focus is intense horses are looking forward as tho they know exactly what is coming in the next few number..."5, 4 3, 2, 1...Trail is Open!" And away the top runners escape, energy pulling those riders and horses from behind as though there is a line running tightly from the first horse to the last. The sound of hooves striking the ground heavily, the whisper of riders trying with words (not actions) to calm their mount, and yet the ever pulling force away from camp, seems to drag the group of riders ever forward. The race to the finish has begun, the countdown to the anticipated event is over and the event ahead has come into sight. "Look ahead with joy. Anticipate what I am creating. I'll create Jerusalem as a sheer joy, create my people as pure delight." Isaiah 65:18 (MSG). I wish, and sometimes I hope that every day, every day is an anticipation like the minutes and moments before the beginning of one of the rides I attend. If you felt any of the descriptions that I made about the beginning of a ride, you probably do too. (If you didn't well then please tell me so I can work on my creativity!)

Imagine, waking up every morning, moments before the alarm goes off and you start anticipating the alarm going off and get excited. Okay in reality those of us who do wake up moments before the alarm are generally not waiting with butterflies for the morning to start, we are waiting for the alarm to go off to hit the snooze! Come on you know it's true. But imagine it being different, imagine everyday you wake up you simply can not wait to get out of bed and can not wait for your day to begin. What would life be like if every day I woke up and it was a race day? Wouldn't it be wonderful everyday to get up and think, "is the alarm ever going to go off!!!" And jump out of bed like the day can't get started fast enough to get to what...the end of the day, that's what, because its starts all over again. What would life be like? What would I really do everyday if I woke up like I do on race day? I think that is a question God is asking me, albeit one that I've ignored, but it's been wholly asked. Maybe He hasn't asked in the way that most people would hear it, but I think this is the way He is asking me "Why are you not looking forward to what I have created? If you would just trust me for a moment, you may find that I have joy in your future, I have something for you to anticipate."  My response "Why? What is it? And where is it?" Why? Well because I don't trust Him, and I don't want to trust Him, not at the core I don't. Yet, somewhere deep inside, I heard the countdown this morning, somewhere I heard the word 'anticipation', and somewhere I heard the question posed to me and I wondered what it would be like to anticipate everyday as tho there was a countdown to something exciting....and I believe, deep down, that there is. What? A time where there is no sorrow, pain, or hurt, but a time filled with joy and anticipation of the next day. So my question is what are you not anticipating? I don't want to not anticipate. I want every day to be a countdown day to the day I get to be filled with joy.
"Look ahead with joy. Anticipate what I am creating. I'll create Jerusalem as a sheer joy, create my people as pure delight." Isaiah 65:18 (MSG).