12 Days and Counting....

Yep, that's right 12 days and counting.....down that is, counting down. What to? A record, well to me anyway. I am by far the worst at sticking to a program, continuing on something that I desperately need to do or something that i may want to do and then - part way through- just stop working toward that goal. Somewhere, sometime ago, I heard someone say, that if you do something for 21 days it becomes a habit, you work it into your daily life and that habit becomes part of your routine. Wow huh? Great news because 3 weeks, or 21 days, isn't really that long, well until you start something and you start counting, keeping record, watching the clock so to speak, and then those 21 days become the longest 21 days you have ever withstood! If you don't know what I'm referring to, then you are one of those lucky people who no matter what is going on, an upcoming event, a time frame you are looking forward too, you are not affected by the elongated day at work, the dragging of the end of the week to that destined time when the even will happen, all in all you are mightly blessed not to be affected by anticipation. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people....I'm exactly opposite. The day can not get here fast enough, I pine over a time frame to end so that I can get to the anticipated goal of whatever it is and the days drag forth, the time drags on....and so, in most instances, when I attempt to reach a milestone goal, or record for me, I give up, seeing the goal to be to far away for me to reach, or to much work for me to achieve. This time, however, this time I did not count up, I decided to start counting down.

You may think it odd that someone would countdown to reach a goal but that's not unusual for any of us, not when you really think about it.  For me, and a large majority of my friends, we hear the countdown at every ride we attend.....The infamous voice of Nancy or Laurie echoing in the  morning dawn "10 minutes to trail open", while warming up or finishing saddling. "5 minutes!" The anticipation and nerves start to roll in my belly, butterflies flutter through my body out of my hands and through the reins to my horse who responds with anticipation and excitement.  "1 minute.", the sound comes from the trail head through the crowd of riders, horses jigging, trotting, side stepping, excitement and energy flow through the herd of horses and riders. "30 seconds." Riders, top runners have stopped at the trail head to get a first head start; "10, 9, 8 7, 6"...the focus is intense horses are looking forward as tho they know exactly what is coming in the next few number..."5, 4 3, 2, 1...Trail is Open!" And away the top runners escape, energy pulling those riders and horses from behind as though there is a line running tightly from the first horse to the last. The sound of hooves striking the ground heavily, the whisper of riders trying with words (not actions) to calm their mount, and yet the ever pulling force away from camp, seems to drag the group of riders ever forward. The race to the finish has begun, the countdown to the anticipated event is over and the event ahead has come into sight. "Look ahead with joy. Anticipate what I am creating. I'll create Jerusalem as a sheer joy, create my people as pure delight." Isaiah 65:18 (MSG). I wish, and sometimes I hope that every day, every day is an anticipation like the minutes and moments before the beginning of one of the rides I attend. If you felt any of the descriptions that I made about the beginning of a ride, you probably do too. (If you didn't well then please tell me so I can work on my creativity!)

Imagine, waking up every morning, moments before the alarm goes off and you start anticipating the alarm going off and get excited. Okay in reality those of us who do wake up moments before the alarm are generally not waiting with butterflies for the morning to start, we are waiting for the alarm to go off to hit the snooze! Come on you know it's true. But imagine it being different, imagine everyday you wake up you simply can not wait to get out of bed and can not wait for your day to begin. What would life be like if every day I woke up and it was a race day? Wouldn't it be wonderful everyday to get up and think, "is the alarm ever going to go off!!!" And jump out of bed like the day can't get started fast enough to get to what...the end of the day, that's what, because its starts all over again. What would life be like? What would I really do everyday if I woke up like I do on race day? I think that is a question God is asking me, albeit one that I've ignored, but it's been wholly asked. Maybe He hasn't asked in the way that most people would hear it, but I think this is the way He is asking me "Why are you not looking forward to what I have created? If you would just trust me for a moment, you may find that I have joy in your future, I have something for you to anticipate."  My response "Why? What is it? And where is it?" Why? Well because I don't trust Him, and I don't want to trust Him, not at the core I don't. Yet, somewhere deep inside, I heard the countdown this morning, somewhere I heard the word 'anticipation', and somewhere I heard the question posed to me and I wondered what it would be like to anticipate everyday as tho there was a countdown to something exciting....and I believe, deep down, that there is. What? A time where there is no sorrow, pain, or hurt, but a time filled with joy and anticipation of the next day. So my question is what are you not anticipating? I don't want to not anticipate. I want every day to be a countdown day to the day I get to be filled with joy.
"Look ahead with joy. Anticipate what I am creating. I'll create Jerusalem as a sheer joy, create my people as pure delight." Isaiah 65:18 (MSG).

Growed Up

I love hearing my husband say things like "growed up" or "whore-dee-vors" (i.e. hors d'oeuvres); its definitely horrible english but its funny and our kids used to ask "what is that?" when he would say those words or use those words and phrases. And off and on, I'll ask "look at you all growed up"....of which my daughters return "yep". If you have children, you know that the growth process seems to take forever, then one day you get up and realize that they are all growed up. This week, in training for an endurance ride in a month, a friend, who as been riding a older mare or a growed up mare, decided that she needed to bring her younger horse up and use her instead. I have written about this little mare before, when she was with me she and I didn't always see eye to eye. Although she would do as I asked, go where I directed and act like I expected, there was always a hint of us not quite making a connection (not to unlike a teeanger!).  On her first training ride out, and for the first time ever, she bucked my friend...twice. I didn't catch the first act but heard my friend's voice and knew what was going on. The little mare, while willing to a degree, apparently decided she wasn't so willing...although she is 14 she definitely was acting un-growed up!

Last night looking back at Wednesdays ride, I realized something, the mare's actions had nothing to do with her age but her growness (how about that for a non-word!). Not to unlike the picture of the foal, the mare just decided she was wanting to do her thing. Foals are full of adventure and playing, they run and buck at will when they want to do what they want to and sometimes look like the picture of this little foal.
John 21:18 "very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself, and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your arms and someone else will dress you and lead you where you don't want to go." Just so we are clear, I am fully aware that when Jesus was speaking here he was talking to Peter and telling Peter about his death and how that death will happen. But, when I remembered this scripture was yesterday morning, after our first training ride with the up and coming mare, and for the life of me I couldn't remember where to find it (thank you God for google!).  But, last night on our second training night, the little mare whom my friend and I expected to run from her to go, didn't run; she stood quietly in the pasture, accepted the halter, loaded easy as pie, stood at the trailer quietly, and went last night as though this was truly old hat. What a different little mare in 24 hrs, wouldn't you agree? So again this morning, the scripture was egging at me, and I found what I was looking for - a message about being growed up.  Isn't it amazing how God uses something to direct you somewhere? Because last night, that little mare looked something more like the picture of older horses doing what they are directed to do, going the direction that they are told, and without the buck. She was dressed and lead to a place she may not want to have originally gone but she went.

It's amazing to me, how God uses things that are in front of me to get a point across, usually a point I don't want to recognize or address. My horses, whether you believe it or not, were intentionally placed in my life. The horses that have come and gone through my life, were intentionally placed there to teach me a lesson. Lucky me! What lesson this time, well that its probably time to be growed up....a thing I definitely want to avoid. Why? Well unlike my children (and me when I was young) who want to be "grown", I want to run from it, hide away from having to be 'growed'. I believe that somewhere in all of us we desire to be un-grown, at least a little bit - go ahead and deny it...I have been for some time. I have stopped 'growing' stopped moving forward, stopped wanting something more. How do I know that? Because God plainly told me that this week - He used a mare to show me something that I am refusing to see. I guess I should say thank you, but I really don't want to; I'd prefer to go back to being and like not knowing I wasn't growing, but something tells me that's not going to happen. Just like the little mare, I am being asked to do something, go somewhere and be someone whom I didn't want to be. I guess my days of being a carefree foal are soon to be over and I should just accept the yoke that's being held for me and follow the One who is leading me.