Barefoot - No Shoes Required

If you have never walked barefoot you don't know what you are missing! When I first met my husband, he never walked anywhere without shoes on of some sort...his reasoning, his feet were soft and it hurt to walk on the ground. Since then, some 20+ years ago, I catch him walking around outside quite often without shoes. Then, on the other spectrum, we have a friend we call the 'barefoot carpenter' - I think the nickname explains it all. Me, I have lived barefoot, especially growing up in Northern Michigan, once spring hit the shoes were gon. Since I've lived in North Carolina, I love to go to the beach and walk barefoot all over the place, and recently I have been walking down my drive way barefoot-mostly in an attempt to get a natural pedicure, but finding that it helped my back from sitting all day in an office chair. But, like most

things, walking barefoot is not something that is easy to do and generally I don't have the ability to be ' barefoot' all day in our day to day life. So like most things, my feet become tender, and when I walk barefoot, I cringe, wince, and tiptoe to where I'm going. I'm sure you are the same way, tender footed when you first take your shoes off in the spring.

Sometime ago, I started taking my shoes off when I was in church. Standing in place during worship one day, probably about a year ago, I took my shoes off and slid them under the chair in front of me. Standing barefoot on the carpeted concrete floor, I remembered that every time Kaleb played music in band or stood in the worship center, he stood barefoot, and I smiled. Since that day, when I go to church, I take my shoes off and stand barefoot, of course its not a big deal because the floor is carpeted and clean and soft so there's little wincing, a easy place to be barefoot - or not. This week, for the first time in more than 6 months, I attended church, without delay when I sat down beside Jennifer, I took my shoes off-and my toes rolled up underneath my feet..almost a wince. I didn't realize I did this until, in the middle of the message, the title of this blog came to my mind. This is not the first time that I've had this title reach my thoughts but this time I realized that I had stood with my feet curled up as though they were tender and I thought 'why would I do that?' And as quick as the thought crossed my mind it disappeared...until we were listening to a song as part of the message and I realized that my feet were tender because I was starting to walk on them again in a place that I have purposely avoided, a place that I chose not to walk, and like in the spring on the not yet soft ground, my feet were tender. This is going to be a stretch of an analogy to reach...but here it goes. My feet are not to unlike my life, I have worn shoes all winter because of the cold and to avoid hurt to my feet, I've protected them..I've done the same to my life, both spiritual and personal, I've put up walls, barriers, put "shoes" on, to protect myself. And like my feet, my spiritual life and personal life has become tender to issues, tender when I am 'forced' or 'expected' to address and "walk" somewhere without protection, and I wince. I was asked to do that this week, just walk into something that I have avoided and protected my heart and life from, and I winced.

2 Cor 12: 7-10 "....there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the lord to take it away from me. But he said to me "My grace is enough, it is all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness"."

I have asked countless times for God to work for me and take the things in my life that are thorns in my life away, that I couldn't take the pressure, the stress, the heartache, on any longer......and it is at tho nothing is happening; now in all fairness, I am not giving to God any part of my life through these issues. So I probably shouldn't 'get' any relief or rest from Him. I am far from Paul who was doing exactly what he was suppose to be doing and still received a thorn in his side, so my expectations shouldn't be so high. But, I still got the same answer from God as Paul. Mine didn't come as clearly, wasn't words that just came from above and said this is the deal, but they were the same words. I am beginning, or attempting once again to start a journey, and I really truly don't want to go because I am going barefoot, and He said to me "you need nothing on your feet on this journey, all you need is Me"...My grace is enough. This journey that I am not ready for but greatly missing in my life, is not easy will not be easy and is a journey I am avoiding purposely. Now that I know that I have to go openly into it, unguarded and unready, barefoot, I am hesitant. Afraid of the wincing that I will experience, the tenderness of my soul to go in the directly of the hard ground that is in front of me.  My grace is enough.......

A Friend is a Friend...Or Not

This is friendship! Unhindered, unadulterated, unconditional friendship! Isn't is a great picture? Isn't it a picture that we would love to see in our everyday life? I would and I wonder when I watch my horses bite each other, run each other off, and sometime be mean to each other, if they really are friends. But I realized something 2 days ago, my horses can be 'aggressive' toward each other, when they are having a bad day, or when the pecking order starts to get marred, but all in all, those moments last for a very short time; maybe 30 seconds, maybe 5 minutes, but when the moment is over, it is over, and life goes back to scratching each other's back. I tend to look at my friendships somewhat similar to my horses relationship, or at least I try to - I do have to say that is much more difficult than it sounds.  It is far harder for me, with my human brain activity, to be fired up about an issue, explode and then let it go. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, the issue will linger and sometimes pop up when least expected. Unfortunately for me, I am not my horse, I am alive with thoughts and memories and things in my life that required constant attention.

I am somewhat like my companion mare, Raychel, she is very aggressive, very dominant and very moody. She takes up offenses for her herd continually and when there is an issue or, heaven forbid, someone goes after our matriarch mare, Princess, Raychel takes up to kicking their butt.  I can watch her when she is jealous or angry and, very similar to me, she will go after the culprit until she finally gets them; not to unsimilar from me.  I have been battling taking up others offenses for most of my adult life. If someone related, close or even an acquaintance is offended or hurt, I can immediately take up their offense and their side. Some would say that is very admirable, very loving, but in reality, it is not...ok well not in most cases.  This happened once again this week, 2 days ago to be exact, I was ready to take up an offense for a new friend; ready to head to Fayetteville and kick someones butt....and I had decided I wasn't going alone. (Ya know I am kind of small and when you're my size you should always take backup in the form a good friend that can scrap. haha)  So for 2 days I have been worried and then stewing over this new found friend's issue. Why would her long time friends be so mean? Why would they try to cut her down in her time of true need? What is wrong with people? (Ok that last one is really rhetorical, there are a lot of things wrong with people.)The offense may have more of an affect on me than I would like, this friend is broken, trying desperately to find a way to heal from a horrific and terrible loss almost a year ago. And in the midst of this time, she has turned to her lifetime friends, people who know her and her heart, and in this moment she has been hurt by those she is closest too. Doesn't that just make you feel like you could take up her offense? Doesn't it make you questions those around you? The ones who are closest to you? Psalms 41:9 "Even my closest friend whom I trusted, the one who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me."  Pretty  harsh! And this from David, who's best friend, soldier buddy, turned against him when he needed is friend the most. David talked about his trials, his hurts and his friends. I think, in reading this one sentence, that David was hurt most by the betrayal and hurt he suffered from his best, closest friend. I believe, in all honesty, that a friend who hurts you is probably the worst kind of hurt, it was for David and I believe it is for us. It is the hurt that cuts the most, even when we don't want to believe it, it is the hurt that probably travels with us the most through our life, and it is the hurt that causes us to take up another's offenses.

I wish, yes wish, that I could tell people that friends shouldn't be this way and have them believe me. I wish that I could tell friends not to be that way and have them hear me; I think all of us do, even tho it doesn't really work, we wish it. Why do we wish it? Because we are human, we are not horses (although that thought is a wonderful thought isn't it). We usually don't have a plethora of friends who will stand beside us but we do have those who would stand by us through anything. In my human life I wish that a friend would n to raise their heels against me, I would love to say that every person I have ever met would never betray or hurt me, and I would be living in a fantasy world. But, even when I know that a friend could betray me, when I guard my heart against friendship because, in the end, I believe that they could raise their heel against me, I meet someone who tells me that I have always been nice to them, that I have encouraged them, and my heart guard breaks down just a little bit.

I know, as well as you do, that friends in our life come and go. Unlike my horses, who live in a pasture with the friends that  I give them to live with, I have a multitude of those who are friends.  Unlike my horses, who with time accept everyone, I sometimes guard my heart against those who I meet, and there are those, that circle of friends who know more about me than they probably care to know.  Those people, that small herd, that inner circle of friends are those who I bear my heart to the most. I hope that you have those friendships too, I hope that somewhere in the midst of hurts and betrayals, you can narrow it down to a group of friends that are your herd.  They would go to war for you, without question, they would stand and have your back, with no fear, and they would stand and cry with you, no matter what.  I guess I am living in a pasture after all...my herd is small and compact, with friends that would love me and hate me at the same time, forget offenses in a short period of time, and when needed, they would run someone down and beat them up when warranted...I do have a herd, I wonder if you do too?