A Friend is a Friend...Or Not

This is friendship! Unhindered, unadulterated, unconditional friendship! Isn't is a great picture? Isn't it a picture that we would love to see in our everyday life? I would and I wonder when I watch my horses bite each other, run each other off, and sometime be mean to each other, if they really are friends. But I realized something 2 days ago, my horses can be 'aggressive' toward each other, when they are having a bad day, or when the pecking order starts to get marred, but all in all, those moments last for a very short time; maybe 30 seconds, maybe 5 minutes, but when the moment is over, it is over, and life goes back to scratching each other's back. I tend to look at my friendships somewhat similar to my horses relationship, or at least I try to - I do have to say that is much more difficult than it sounds.  It is far harder for me, with my human brain activity, to be fired up about an issue, explode and then let it go. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, the issue will linger and sometimes pop up when least expected. Unfortunately for me, I am not my horse, I am alive with thoughts and memories and things in my life that required constant attention.

I am somewhat like my companion mare, Raychel, she is very aggressive, very dominant and very moody. She takes up offenses for her herd continually and when there is an issue or, heaven forbid, someone goes after our matriarch mare, Princess, Raychel takes up to kicking their butt.  I can watch her when she is jealous or angry and, very similar to me, she will go after the culprit until she finally gets them; not to unsimilar from me.  I have been battling taking up others offenses for most of my adult life. If someone related, close or even an acquaintance is offended or hurt, I can immediately take up their offense and their side. Some would say that is very admirable, very loving, but in reality, it is not...ok well not in most cases.  This happened once again this week, 2 days ago to be exact, I was ready to take up an offense for a new friend; ready to head to Fayetteville and kick someones butt....and I had decided I wasn't going alone. (Ya know I am kind of small and when you're my size you should always take backup in the form a good friend that can scrap. haha)  So for 2 days I have been worried and then stewing over this new found friend's issue. Why would her long time friends be so mean? Why would they try to cut her down in her time of true need? What is wrong with people? (Ok that last one is really rhetorical, there are a lot of things wrong with people.)The offense may have more of an affect on me than I would like, this friend is broken, trying desperately to find a way to heal from a horrific and terrible loss almost a year ago. And in the midst of this time, she has turned to her lifetime friends, people who know her and her heart, and in this moment she has been hurt by those she is closest too. Doesn't that just make you feel like you could take up her offense? Doesn't it make you questions those around you? The ones who are closest to you? Psalms 41:9 "Even my closest friend whom I trusted, the one who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me."  Pretty  harsh! And this from David, who's best friend, soldier buddy, turned against him when he needed is friend the most. David talked about his trials, his hurts and his friends. I think, in reading this one sentence, that David was hurt most by the betrayal and hurt he suffered from his best, closest friend. I believe, in all honesty, that a friend who hurts you is probably the worst kind of hurt, it was for David and I believe it is for us. It is the hurt that cuts the most, even when we don't want to believe it, it is the hurt that probably travels with us the most through our life, and it is the hurt that causes us to take up another's offenses.

I wish, yes wish, that I could tell people that friends shouldn't be this way and have them believe me. I wish that I could tell friends not to be that way and have them hear me; I think all of us do, even tho it doesn't really work, we wish it. Why do we wish it? Because we are human, we are not horses (although that thought is a wonderful thought isn't it). We usually don't have a plethora of friends who will stand beside us but we do have those who would stand by us through anything. In my human life I wish that a friend would n to raise their heels against me, I would love to say that every person I have ever met would never betray or hurt me, and I would be living in a fantasy world. But, even when I know that a friend could betray me, when I guard my heart against friendship because, in the end, I believe that they could raise their heel against me, I meet someone who tells me that I have always been nice to them, that I have encouraged them, and my heart guard breaks down just a little bit.

I know, as well as you do, that friends in our life come and go. Unlike my horses, who live in a pasture with the friends that  I give them to live with, I have a multitude of those who are friends.  Unlike my horses, who with time accept everyone, I sometimes guard my heart against those who I meet, and there are those, that circle of friends who know more about me than they probably care to know.  Those people, that small herd, that inner circle of friends are those who I bear my heart to the most. I hope that you have those friendships too, I hope that somewhere in the midst of hurts and betrayals, you can narrow it down to a group of friends that are your herd.  They would go to war for you, without question, they would stand and have your back, with no fear, and they would stand and cry with you, no matter what.  I guess I am living in a pasture after all...my herd is small and compact, with friends that would love me and hate me at the same time, forget offenses in a short period of time, and when needed, they would run someone down and beat them up when warranted...I do have a herd, I wonder if you do too?