Back On Writing

Well I guess I can say that my goal of writing every day this year is totally destroyed; not unusual for me but I was trying to accomplish a goal. The change came when I was asked by a friend to contact a mother, a mother who a short few days before had lost her son in a car accident. This is a poor excuse, I know, but the reason behind my delay nonetheless. And along with this delay in writing/posting/blogging came a subsiding in my want/need to talk to God. Believe it or not, this blog site has encouraged me daily to try to communicate with Him, that too was delayed. I haven't been on here in 1 month and 2 days; I haven't read or talked to God in 1 month and 1 day, not a good record. So why today? I really don't know except that last night I realized that I had been fighting tears again, fighting the pain that I am good at hiding, subduing, and putting on hold, and out of nowhere I started talking to Him. And I fell asleep, peacefully, without sleep aid and slept, really slept, probably the first time in a couple weeks.
This morning I got up, got coffee and a cup of water, turned on the boob-tube, and opened up facebook, my regular routine. Except this morning, there was a post, from a woman, a nurse at Womack AMC, talking about a great legacy of her son. I am not friends with this woman and only saw this post because a ride buddy works with her and commented on her post. I won't share much, mostly because it's painful, but she writes "so proud of my awesome son, double lunge transplant to one donor, kidneys to two separate people....might muscles and bones to those who need them...we love you Zachie for giving your all even to the end..." I know briefly of this woman, my ride buddy told us of her son's accident and how he was in ICU with brain injuries but seemed to be moving along with hope of recovery. This post was a tribute to the fight that her son fought and the pain that she felt through a decision she and her husband had to make to allow Zach to go, to fight no more. This prompted me to avoid my Streams in the Desert book at first and then pick it up to today; of course I had to find today because I haven't been reading or looking thru this book of mine for some time. And I found something that was hidden the pages before today, most of May is dedicated to suffering, fighting, failing faint in faith, struggling, searching, and not knowing if God really cares or knows how this life feels.
Daniel 3:25 Walking in the midst of the fire. "The comfort of Christ's revelation is not emancipation from sorrow, but emancipation through sorrow...Oh my Go, teach me, when the shadows have gathered that I am only in a tunnel....Tell me I am only forced to clim because Thy house is on a hill!"
Psalms 27:13 I had fainted unless... "How the soul sinks, the heart grows sick, and the faith staggers under the keen trials and testings which come into our lives in times of special bereavement and suffering.....It is so when we are tempted to faint under affliciton. God's message to us is not "Be strong and of good courage," for He knows our strength and courage have fled away. But it is that sweet word "Be still and know that I am God."
I wonder if these 2 women, far off acquaintances that I have come in contact with, know that it is ok not to be strong? I wonder if they, like me, were out front and strong thru this time and hiding in the bedroom or bathroom crying? I wonder if those who leave messages for them saying "we are praying for you" or "God bless you" strike a cord of pain now but one day will be words that mean much more? I wonder if these women know that God is standing with them, crying with them, and they are not alone? I wonder if they know one day they are going to help someone, someone whom they don't know and never knew before, someone who, like them, is beginning their walk thru the fire and feeling faint?