Seeing is Believing

I have always heard and on some part believed that seeing is believing, haven't you? I mean we go through life asking for proof of things from basically everyone; everyone from scientist, to theologists, to friends and family members who we offer our trust.  Seeing is believing, wouldn't you agree? But is believing seeing? There's a question for you! Is believing seeing? I don't believe so or at least not on all levels, because I have seen something and still do not believe. I saw people who were much older than me (when I was much, much younger) be calm and collected with dealing with a temperamental horse - when I would have (and still might) become more forceful than necessary to get the point across. Mind you not to a point of abusing but probably from an outside look at the brink of abuse.  And in the back of my mind I could hear myself say "you aren't getting anywhere" and within a time frame of a minutes maybe and hour the horse would give and settle. And yet I didn't believe.  So seeing is not always believing, even though that is the thing that should say more than any other thing about proof. I would tell you today that if I had seen it I would have believed it but from just one example in my past, that statement would be a lie.  I would bet to say that the same is true for you. And I would say that seeing should make a believer, in whatever it is, for each and everyone of us. But if that were true, then when I stand at the cemetery and look at two headstones with the names of my son and his best friend, I would believe that they really are no longer here. I would believe that this is real and I'm not going to wake up and find out that this is all a dream (not unlike the phenomenal end to the TV show Dallas some 20+yrs ago [sorry if that does not ring bells with you]). Is seeing believing? I would say no, not on any level is seeing believing and the same is true for the flip of that statement. And yet they are used in every sense of life, every way we handle our every day life.

It is not secret not even a little one that I am in a struggle with believing, believing in purpose, believing in faith, believing in the word of God, and simply believing that things will eventually get better.  It is obvious to you now why that is not a secret. The struggle that I am dealing with spiritually, in every day, has been bled in every aspect of this blog, and I have used this blog to express that struggle and the hope that I try to cling. So how do I believe without seeing? I think this is the question that needs answering because seeing is believing is not working.  How do I get to the place where I can believe without seeing? How can I get through this struggle and onto a place of true healing, not forgetting, true comfort and peace, without loosing that part of my life? Simply....by faith. Which is easier said than done; faith is the impediment of believing is not seeing. John 20:29 "Then Jesus said to them 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed'." Seeing is not always believing, thats what this statement is saying, that just because you see doesn't always mean you believe. I mean in essence that's what Jesus said, right? Maybe not exactly in those words but I wonder if because I didn't back read or forward read to this scripture (by the way thank you ex-brother-in-law Mike for the location) what was happening when Jesus said this to the disciples? I know that throughout the scriptures the disciples with Jesus didn't always believe what he was saying. I wonder if they often didn't believe His words. (I know "good night she went there!") But lets face facts, the most believing moments in the disciples time with Jesus was when he was doing miracles, right? When He was doing something amazing - and my guess, which is just that a guess, is that when He was just being Him and telling them things they were probably like "yea right?" (Ok so not in those terms.) But don't you just wonder why Jesus had to say this to the disciples? Why did He use this statement? I don't know I'm sure He had some reason, some purpose, something in mind and probably more intense than what I read.

So is seeing believing? I don't think so. Do I believe everything that I see? No, still don't believe that I stand at a plot and see the names Kaleb Lee Valliant and Thadius Ian Markle and believe that this place that we are in and this time we are going through is real. But do I want to believe that somewhere, in some future time, believing is not seeing and that its ok to struggle and question, doubt and be angry, and sometime out there He knows that my faith is based solely on believing, thats all. Seeing is not believing, that is more true than the standard version. Seeing is not believing no matter which way you cut it. I read John 20:29 like this - I know that you know Me and that times you do not believe, but I know your heart and that you believe and are blessed even when you don't want see and still believe. Doesn't that make much more sense? I think so.

The Same Ole Thing

I don't know if you read daily devotionals but for your reference I do - well sometimes I do. This morning I found a devotional that I had read a couple times in the past and just on a fluke, literally, read it. I have to say that usually I was more driven by the words of this particular devotional and today I found the words of the writer to be typical. I know what is typical? Well for many of you who may read this, I am a new believer in the grand scope of believers and in devotionals that I come across online or through books or wherever, there seems to be a typical theme.  This theme from the devotional this morning reads like most things that used to avert me to believers. What is that? Well, their struggles with being a Christian, their struggles with growth in anything, their struggles with Christ and running away from God. And, more often then not, the theme is presented by women (sorry sexist I know).  And I am probably allowing the "enemy" to play with my words and drive my fingers, or at least that is what some may think, but I don't believe so. I would love to read a devotional from someone who is admittedly a sinner, not someone who started their Christian life in a Christian home, moved through school with a Christian basis, and then went to college and ta-da their eyes were opened to the life of deceipt, lying, etc, etc, etc.

So what am I saying? Well I hope that somewhere I get to figure that out (haha - I bet you weren't ready for that!). What am I saying? Am I just lunging out at life-long Christians? And if I am I must be jealous of their life and history? Jealous of the fact that from my perspective they haven't really had trials and tribulations, so why are they so distraught? Yep! It sounds like I'm jealous! Whew, boy am I glad thats's out. I hope that jealousy is not the root of my writing today, I don't think it is or at least I hope it isn't.

The devotional this morning did strike me the wrong way, I was being lazy and decided to go somewhere else besides my regular Facebook page and so to some degree I'm sure that my mind and spirit are in a little bit of a heated battle. But I was looking for something when I went there, maybe a glimmer of peace, or a direction of hope and I didn't find that, not at all. What I found, yet again, was the same ole thing. The same temper of writing, the same message of writing, and the same result, the co-writing of a song or book. What is that? Is every Christian who goes through a Christ struggle instantly promoted to song writer or author? See, the same ole thing. It's almost as though these women who write on this particular devotion aren't really in reality. So what am I looking for?  Well in all honesty....the truth.

2 John 1:1-3 "To the chosen lady and her children, whom I love in the truth - and not I only, but also all who knows the truth - because the truth, which lives in us and will be with us forever. Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father's Son, will be with us in truth and love." There it is the truth I mean. Right there, right in the letters from, ok I don't know who, but at least in our Bible.  Do you see it?  The devotional(s) that I read this morning spoke of a woman, raised as a Christian and how she was a great Christian in her life until she went to college and then, literally, all hell broke loose. What happened? She ran from the truth; hid (as if) from God; found refuge in lies; and in the end (as always) she was quickened (or pursued) by God and redeemed. See the same ole thing! What I, a new believer, am having struggles with is, if this short scripture says "the truth, which lives in us and will be with us forever" then how can a Christian, long seeded in Christ run  from Him - because He is the Truth?

There is not doubt, not now anyway, that I am somewhat jealous of these women who are Christians who in my belief have not moved through true struggles. I am jealous that in all that they live they believe the worst struggle they have gone through is living in a world of lies and deception that they allowed to overtake their Christian beliefs. I am on one level very jealous for not living in that life and yet more than not, I feel pity for these women. Why? Because on some level, they will never know what it is like to be truly separated from Christ, on some level they believe that they were truly separated from Him (see this is the true enemy's work-deception of distance).  When I hear or meet of this type of person, man or woman, I feel as tho I have nothing to bring to a conversation. Lets face facts, they are usually the first ones to tell you of their struggles. As a new believer, a struggling seeker, and a true sinner who struggles with Christ daily, I want to read a devotional from a woman who says "Look! I am a sinner, I am truly struggling with my connection with God and guess what? He knows it and He still loves me and is just waiting for me to go through this time no matter how long it takes." Don't you? Wouldn't it be a breath of fresh air to read what a struggling, deep seeded Christian actually feels? And, in the midst of all their hurt and struggles, they say "it doesn't matter what struggles you are going through, it doesn't matter how far from God you think you are, because if you are a believer then the truth, lives in us and will be with us forever!"

Well I'm not much of a speaker, I am a runner (always have been), and I'm not a deep seeded Christian. But I can tell you that I deal with struggle every day, a deep seeded struggle to believe that God, the creator of all good could set my life in a motion of fear and anger so deep, that even I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and still I know, from knowledge, that He is good. That He is, somehow, some way, in control, and that He is the truth that lives in me and is forever with me....especially when now, when I am jealous, angry, heartbroken, and lost, He is forever with me.