A Leap of Faith

Have you ever wondered what those words actually mean? I have, I mean I have heard them in my life probably more than a 1000 times but what do they actually mean. A couple friend of ours just entered into parenthood. A great and godly couple who were more excited about a child than I can ever remember being about my three pregnancies. They are full of just enthusiasium and happiness that I see in them that leap of faith. Walking into the unknown without a care in the world just going forward and making things work. I guess we all did it at one time or most of us will make that leap of faith at least once in our life time. I didn't see being a parent as a leap of faith almost 18 yrs ago when it all began, today I am getting my son ready for college, ready to go out into the real world and face unknown obstacles and trials that I will only be able to help with when I am needed.... a leap of faith.
I am starting another leap of faith, I guess God is not satisfied with just little "hops" in my life. I recently had an amazing tear down in my life, God tore down a wall between me and Him last week, one that I didn't even know was there. A wall that was blocking a lot of love, relief, passion and faith. In Matthew 17:20 Jesus said "Because of the littleness of your faith, for truly I say to you, I you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this moutnain, 'move from here to there' and it will move.." I said one time that I didn't think our faith came from us, that all we had to hae was faith of a little amount and God would do the rest. I didn't know then that I was speaking a truth. I didn't have the faith in God to let the wall I had built around my life be taken apart. God was just another figure in my life who wanted authority over me and a week ago I wouldn't have been saying this, but today I know now that I didn't want the authority because of lack of trust and faith I had in Him. It took all summer for me to get here, all summer of me feeling like God wasn't listening and He just wasn't around me to get to this place. I kept searching for my faith when I really should be searching and seeking God and Jesus and the faith that is a mustard seed will be enough.
So I ask you, what are you seeking? Are you 'force feeding' yourself faith? Or are you seaching out God? A leap of faith isn't what it sounds like, it's really not a leap at all just one step toward God and in that one step forward a 1000 backward steps are forgotten.

What Has Happened?

I'm not sure what has happened in the past couple of months, at least not in chronological order but I do have a clear idea of what happened. Lots of stuff that's what's happened!! Among all other things two very big things: 1. our daughter, Jennifer, was baptized and 2. my father passed away. One the beginning of a new life in Christ by Jennifer's obedience and the ending of a life and passing from our world to a spiritual world. But first things first.
Jennifer my beautiful, smart, godly daughter who is amazing and graceful decided to be baptized. Something she was excited about when she made the decision and then matter of facty about when she told me. It was as though she just said it, declared it and did it. I don't know who this child is sometimes but I do know that God has great plans for her. Plans that He set into motion long, long ago and is carrying out in the heart and mind of a non-reason. When I say this I don't mean that she jumps in without looking at where she is going but when she knows God is leading her she follows completely with faith and blindly letting God lead her. Wow what an amazing child, what an amazing God.
Second, my father passing away. I had eight months to prepare for this day, he was diagnosised with terminal brain cancer in November of last year. My brothers and sister had much longer than the doctor predicted, much more. But I still after all this time, wasn't truly prepared for him to be gone. When I received the call at home early Saturday morning (Sept 12) my amazing husband stepped into place and took over helping me get ready. When my friend, Peggie, was told she stepped into place and gave me comfort that I needed, even tho I didn't think so. And before we, my family, left for Michigan, Peggie told me that I have a Father to take the place my dad's place in my life. And she was right, up to this incident, I didn't realize the God, my heavenly Father, was filling a void that I had and He continued to fill in that void as new voids were created. I miss my Dad, even tho I didn't spend or see him as much as I truly wanted, I miss him. Yet that missing is just that a missing, not a void or empty space in my life. I don't know his heart but God does and did and I truly believe that in the last moments God was sitting with my Dad comforting him to sleep and a peaceful, non-painful rest. I had a wonderful Dad, he could teach anyone to dance and fish and I have a wonderful Heavenly Father who comforted me in the exact time I needed it.
Many more things have happened little incidents over the past month that made this last month exciting, lively. I believe with all my heart that God made every moment and event fit neatly into place from growing more slowly in my spiritual life to my dad's passing, God was in total control. More than comfort, more than peace, is what I have, I have joy and mercy, a filled void that can never be lost, a God who cares enough to know, listen and act.